Judge — October 26, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

H Lawyer (examining c: andidate for jury) —"* Madam, what is your age?” OW OLD IS ANN IN CALIFORNIA ? College «voman (with inspiration) —‘* Sixteen multiplied by two minus twelve plus six minus four."” Freak. H, SAY, have you heard of the wabbly bird, With plumage all awry, With legs made wrong, and bill so long That it reaches from head to thigh? This wabbly bird is quite absurd; It sings in a treble key. Should you see one, upon my word, You'd pull up your stakes and flee. This wabbly bird is twelve feet high. It sings like a soft-shell crab. It gurgles loud when it tries to fly, Like the wheels of a creaking cab. Now, should you meet this wabbly bird, Do not break loose or scream. For this creature so absurd Is simply a birdman’s dream. Carleton G. Garreven. The Gift-horse Idea. Wiseman—‘“‘I see a dentist says a man intending matrimony should look carefully at the teeth of the young woman selected.’’ Cynicus—‘‘No doubt a scientific con- clusion. But it will not appeal to the foreigner of title in search of American money.’’ The College Boy. 'Twere naught to him to have his name Enrolled on Learning’s scroll. To him the pinnacle of fame Would be to kick a goal. Let the Option Expire. “Yes, I was once engaged toa duke.’ “‘And what obstacle came between two loving hearts?’’ “Oh, nothing in particular. let the option expire.” Two of ‘Em. “Yes, I was a great player in my y," said Jones. ‘‘Made a goal from ick off. Can any of you beat that?’ “I've done the same, you bloomin’ liar!” replied Brown. He just G. Horn: The bulwarks of a vessel are not used for penning cattle. DIPLOMACY, Wife—‘‘ To-day is my birthday, and you ‘ve come home and forgotten to bring mea present.'’ Hubbie—' But, dearie, how can I remember? You lock as young as you did last year."* Not To Be Stumbled Upon. One of the young men attached to the American embassy at London adds to the list of stories with reference to British matter-of-factness. It appears that the American attache met a Britisher who was smoking a pipe of extraordinary size and beauty, a product of the ingenuity of the Dutch. After silently admiring the pipe for some maments, the American ventured to comment thereon. “You could not stumble upon a pipe like that every day,’’ he finally said. Whereupon the Briton took another long puff, slowly removed the pipe from his mouth, and, after a long contempla- tion of it, rejoined, “Certainly not without breaking it.’” Buried Treasure. Then to a garret’s dark retreat He quickly went with eager feet, And seeking in a corner there, He lifted forth with tender care An object, too good to be true. Ah, how the thanks poured from his throat! For there, almost as good as new, He found his last year’s overcoat! —Gorte B. Staf. She Mary—‘‘How pretty Ida looks! has just put the hooks into old Gotrox for two hundred dollars at bridge."’ Alice —‘‘ Yes, she does look winsome !"’ comicbooks.com