Judge, 1912-09-14 · page 11 of 24
Judge — September 14, 1912 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This humorous essay uses dream sequences to satirize **urban rudeness and commercial dishonesty** in early 20th-century America. The first dream mocks **NYC subway culture**: the narrator expects a rude guard but instead receives polite, helpful directions—treated as so absurd it must be a dream, suggesting New York transit workers were notoriously impolite in reality. The second dream (illustrated with a steamship image) critiques **theater ticket scalping**. The narrator goes to buy a legitimate ticket but the box office clerk shamefully admits he has no good seats—then cynically calls over a *scalper* to provide one at "regular price." This exposes the collusion between theaters and speculators who bought tickets to resell them. The headline "A MAN IS KNOWN BY THE SMOKE HE USES" (likely a tobacco advertisement) frames these satirical glimpses of everyday dishonesty, suggesting character is revealed through choices—here, through society's tolerance of fraud.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘OW, dreams indeed are mighty queer. when we arrive there.’’ And then, as I'd spent the evening in a mad I don’t know whence we get ‘em; he spoke, there came a terrific crash— Pursuit of pleasures phoney. But it is very sure, my dear, A MAN IS KNOWN BY THE SMOKE HE USES. Dreams. by JOUN KENDRICK BANGS. For hours I tossed upon my cot We ought not to regret ‘em. And there, amid the smoke and steam, In retrospection gloomy— Take this one that I had last night— Amid'the'ay ful roar and scream; The night was very, very hot— I'd like your real opinion I woke to find it all a dream! When this queer dream came to me: If it was not a vision bright Then here's another one I had About a subway minion. One July night at Coney. I thought it was evening in New You see, I dreamed I was riding in a subway train, and as we ap- proached the Twenty- third Street station, I sprang from my seat and asked the guard if this was where I should get off for the Grand Central Depot. 1 im- mediately put myself in a position of defense, when what was my sur- prise to see the man remove his hat politely, as he replied in well- modulated tones, ‘‘No, sir, The Grand Cen- tral Depot is at Forty- second Street, not Twenty-third. If you will resume your seat, it will give me great pleasure to inform you York, and, having noth- ing else to do, I decided to go to the theater. I wandered over to Broad- way, successfully ran the gantlet of a dozen speculators at the door of a well-known house, and, going directly to the box office, asked for aticket. ‘‘I am sorry, sir,’’ replied the box- office man, ‘but I haven't a good seat here; but if you will wait a minute, I think I can get you one.” He thereupon called one of the speculators and made him disgorge a ticket for an aisle seat, three rows from the front. ‘‘ How much?" lasked. ‘‘Regular price fg 3] AIR, LAND AND SEA. Vacation on your yacht this year? Modernize the craft by swinging motor cycle and monoplane on your davits. comicbooks.com