Judge, 1912-08-31 · page 8 of 24
Judge — August 31, 1912 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Modern Mottoes"** mocks professional stereotypes through clever wordplay—politicians "get-there, get-a-wad and get-away" (suggesting corruption and self-interest), landlords endlessly "lease, release and re-lease" (exploiting tenants). **"Go-outers"** satirizes a contemporary social trend where Americans compulsively go out rather than stay home, treating it as a status marker. The piece observes that families no longer know where each other goes—a critique of modern social fragmentation and lack of domestic cohesion. **"Her Logic"** is a joke about unmarried women (the "caustic old maid") sarcastically suggesting heaven has no marriages because "no men go there"—implying both male damnation and female cynicism about marriage. **"Amaryllis"** is sentimental verse about a beloved cow, humorously playing with romantic language typically reserved for women. The cartoon shows domestic chaos—cooking, cleaning, child-rearing—emphasizing how modern life differs from "mother used to make" (presumably simpler, more orderly).
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIKE MOTHER USED TO Amaryllis. ACK where dandelions grow, Lives my Amaryllis. From her head to tip of toe, I love my Amaryllis. She is plain as plain can be, But she's style enough for me. A dearer one you'll rarely see Than Amaryllis. Through the woods and o’er the fields Roams my Amaryllis. Ecstasy her sweet voice yields— Amaryllis. Oft she lies there in the sun, Gayly thinking, happy one! Glad the day is nearly done— Amaryllis. I've been offered prices great For Amaryllis; But to sell I somehow hate— Amaryllis. For to part I don’t know how. All my folks would kick, I trow. So I guess I'll keep my cow— Amaryllis. Kind of a Tree It Was. “They have a family tree, I suppose."’ “Yes; and the daughters are pippvins!"’ ©. G. Garren. Modern Mottoes. The contractor: Raze and raise. The vegetarian: Chew and eschew. The Baptist minister: Immerge and emerge. The landlord: Lease, release and re- lease. The politician: Get-there, get-a-wad and get-away. FORCE OF HABIT. Mr. Savigg—'' I told yer ter wake me up when we came ter Yonkers, didn't I?" Conductor—'' 1 did, sir; an’ you said, ‘Give the kids their breakfast, Mary, and I'll be down in a minute.’ Then you rolled over and went to sleep again."” Caen lh Gey > a MAKE.” Go-outers. Are you a go-outer? Everybody else in America is. It's a national habit. Fathers and mothers have it. Children have it. Servants have it. The family cat has it. “Staying at home of an evening is no longer vogue. It's old-fashioned. Only families in small New England com- munities do it now. Nobody knows where everybody goes when they go out. Father never tells where he goes. Mother is never asked where she goes. The daughter goes where she pleases, and nobody cares where the son goes. The Modern Inferno. A shriek, a moan, a screech, a groan, A grunt, a scream, acry, With howls and murmurs, greet my ears From autos rushing by. Her Logic. Happy, though married, member of the Dorcas Society—''1 wonder why it says in the Bible there are no marriages in heaven."’ Caustic old maid—‘‘It's plain enough to me—it’s because no men go there! Ccomicbooks.com