Judge, 1912-08-31 · page 7 of 24
Judge — August 31, 1912 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of Judge's social commentary: **"The Cheap Man"** is a dialect monologue by Parson Bagster criticizing a lazy, self-aggrandizing Black man who avoids honest labor, makes noise about racial rights, and manipulates church revivals for attention while remaining ungrateful and unreliable. This reflects the racist stereotypes common in early 20th-century American humor. **"One on Cornelia"** (top illustration) shows a customs official demanding duty payment on jewelry—likely satirizing either tariff policy or wealthy women's extravagance. The remaining brief jokes mock: a cheapskate diner complaining about vegetables; an indifferent tramp unconcerned with market reports; a woman considering abandoning Latin; and a professor objecting to calling women "medium size" as too commercial—the freshman's quip suggesting the woman is "on the market" (marriageable). The humor targets working-class pretension, bourgeois affectation, and social climbing, typical of Judge's satirical approach to American manners and class dynamics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
i ea ONE ON CORNELIA. “Sorry, madam but you ‘ll have to pay duty on these jewels of yours.’ The Cheap Man. “DE CHEAP man!" contemptuously said square-headed old Parson Bagster. ‘De cheap man—de bullfrog 0” hu- manity—allus makin’ consid’able mo’ dan his share o' noise, and doin’ a heap sight less dan his pro-ratty 0’ hahd work ! Out in de world, yo’ never 'skivers him in de brickyahd breakin’ his back wid honest toil, or cleanin’ out de white folks’ well, nor nuth'n’ 0’ de sawt; yo’ finds him tryin’ to raise side whisk- ers and mowlin’ "bout de rights 0” de cullud race, or suppin’ fully as re- pulsive. And in de church, when de revival comes on, he never goes for’ard at de fust invitation, but hangs off and pulls back and argifies twell he gits de ‘tention 0’ every- body; and den, dess at de pizzy-log- ical moment, when all eyes is fixed on him, he lets loose his holt on sin and goes to de bench amid de hozan- ners o’ de 'semblage, and purt’ nigh putts all de rest o’ de mo’ners out 0’ bidness wid his howls. He ’mag- ines dat de hymn o’ de ‘Ninety and Nine’ was writ’ ‘bout him, and dat circus p'rade, wid flags ub-flyin’ and troomboons playin’. De Lawd has done drapped all udder bidness to welcome de cheap man into de fold. And two weeks atter he gits into full fellership he’s poutin’ unless he’s puhmitted to pass de hat. Dar ain't no sadisfaction in savin’ de cheap man. In de fust place, he ain’t got no mo’ gratitude dan a tarrapin; and, den, ag’in, he won't stay saved. I don’t hanker none atter de cheap man!"" —Tem P. Morgan, If one swallow don’t make a spring throw a stone at him and watch results. @ Hungry man he's not on’y de one dat was lost, but de yudder ninety-eight, into de bahgain. He comes th’oo like a ,,, 1 thought you served twe vegetables with this meat ?” Fresh watter—"We do. That ‘s succotash!” Didn't Concern Him. The tramp sat under the grateful shade of a tree and did away with a sandwich handed to him by the latest farmerwife he had favored with a call. She had wrapped the sandwich in a sec- tion of newspaper, which the tramp scanned with the eye of carelessness character- istic of his kind. “My idea of nothin’ to git nutty about,’’ he remarked to himself, after glancing at a market report, ‘‘is the advance of two dollars a ton in the price of car wheels."” Multum in Parvo. She thinks of dropping Latin, And all her friends concur; For, knowing her, they quite agree One tongue’s enough for her. A Point in Verbalism. Professor (to class in composi- tion)—‘*Some one in the class re- cently referred to a woman as of ‘medium size.’ Please avoid this expression in referring to a wom- an; it smacks too much of commer- cialism."” Freshman—‘‘But, professor, she might be ‘on the market.’ ’’ comicbooks.com