Judge, 1912-07-20 · page 6 of 26
Judge — July 20, 1912 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine **Judge** contains multiple short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American wit: **"The Bathing Dress"** mocks a man fooled by his frugal fiancée—she bragged about buying an economical dress for $1.29, but meant her bathing suit, leaving him disillusioned about her thriftiness. **"Always Some Remedy"** jokes that Dr. Hutchinson's claim poverty is a "disease" has an ironic cure: gold (money)—a jab at simplistic solutions to complex social problems. **"Should Have Been Prepaid"** ridicules Old Father Epicuremus for sending a collect telegram criticizing men who avoid work, wasting money on the message itself. The remaining items are brief social observations: a man watching fish-cleaning finds it tedious; the "rubberneck wagon" joke explains why people stare in tour carriages; Chicago University's banning toothpicks as vulgar; and wordplay about secondhand typewriters and paradoxical romance. The tone is light, domestic, and mildly satirical of contemporary American manners and foibles.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Bathing Dress. ¢¢] BOUGHT a dress to-day,”’ she said, “A most becoming blue, All trimmed with rows and rows of braid, And little buttons, too. ’Twas ready made, but, oh! it fits My figure something fine! And think! Lonly paid for it A dollar twenty-nine!” I thought, ‘‘This maiden surely is The very wife for me; She understands the proper way To use economy."’ I begged her, then, without delay My lonely life to bless; But when the knot was tied, I found She meant a bathing dress. —Minna Irvine. Always Some Remedy. Dr. Woods Hutchinson says that pov- erty is a disease. Well, there is the gold cure! EXPANSIVE. Perkins (from the gent's furnishing department) —'* Hab ! I like a spot like this. Should Have Been Prepaid. Old Father Epicuremus the Philoso- pher has just sent us a lettergram stat- ing that ‘‘some men’s idea of earning a living is just answering a dinner bell.”* We should have welcomed the communi- cation had the old gentleman not sent his message collect. Domestic Problem. He asked, ‘‘How much did Romeo? I always do forget!"” She answered, ‘‘That depends, you know, On what fair Juliet.’ Why? Son—''Papa, why do they call them rubberneck wagons?”’ Father—‘'Because everybody stares at the people in them, my boy.’’ Chicago University has just banished toothpicks, condemning them as vulgar. Westward doth refinement take its way. By heavens! a man has room to think." Tedious Tasks. A couple of wayfarers stood for an hour or more in front of a market, watching employes clean fish. “Ain't that the limit?’ exclaimed one. ‘Can you think of anything worse than a job like that?” “Sure I can!’’ the other replied. “That ain’t half as bad as scaling the Alps.”” Not New. “*You should see my new typewriter,’ said Mr. Smart to his friend, as they went down in the elevator together; “*but it’s secondhand.’’ “*Secondhand?"" “Um-hm. A widow." A Paradox. Said he, ‘‘I give my love to you. I pray you, do not spurn it!”’ Said she, ‘‘To prove that I am true, I shall forthwith return it."’