Judge, 1912-05-25 · page 9 of 24
Judge — May 25, 1912 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humor column from a small-town newspaper, presented as satirical social commentary. The content mocks rural American life through interconnected jokes: **Political reference**: "Grandpa Bibbins" won't cut his whiskers until William Jennings Bryan is elected President—likely referencing Bryan's 1896 or 1900 presidential campaigns. The joke plays on rural stubbornness and political obsession. **Religious satire**: A church member steals the meetin' house bell to use as a sap kettle; nineteen men volunteer to "fix" the church clock only after the minister's sermon runs long (implying they sabotaged it to escape). **Social commentary**: The "Cause and Effect" cartoon shows overeating leading to bursting out of clothes—mocking gluttony among the newly wealthy. **General theme**: These rural vignettes poke fun at small-town gossip, superstition, provincial attitudes, and simple folk. The barber finding random items in Uncle Hank's whiskers satirizes poor hygiene and slovenliness. The overall tone is affectionate mockery of rural America's perceived backwardness.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Notes fro ONVINCE a Democrat agin his will, and he'll vote the straight Demo- crat ticket still. I see Dr. Wiley has signed a lecture contract. Sort of a Chaw-Talk-Qua, as it were. Grandpa Bibbins says he ain't goin’ to git his whiskers cut until Bryan is elected President. By gravy! they will grow so long that he will have to wrap ‘em around his waist and use ‘em fer a belt. It is gettin’ so lately, fangled religions, that a church mem- ber kin smile without bein’ with new- called a backslider. The meanest man in the world lives about two miles from our town, He stole the bell off'n the meetin’ house and took it home and turned it up- side-down fer a sap kettle. If Senators get into any more fist fights with elevator men, there will have to be a sporting department added to the Congressional Record. CAUSE AND EFFECT. Marjorie—"‘ That 's what happens, Madge, when you get all you kin eat You swell up so ’s you bubble right out of your clothes."’ m the Basswood Bugle. There is only one bigger pest thana durn liar, and that is a feller who wants to tell you the truth about yourself all the time. The mainspring in the meetin’-house clock got busted, and Rev. Hanks spoke an hour and a half longer than he in- tended. Nineteen fellers waited after meetin’ and offered to take the clock home and fix it. Uncle Hank Frisby got his usual spring hair cut the other day and had his whiskers trimmed. The tonsorial artist found two china eggs, an alarm The frog—"" That's enough, fellers. A joke's a joke."” clock and a pot of currant jelly in Uncle Hank’s whiskers; also a sewing basket that Hank’s wife missed away last fall. The barber was disappointed, as Uncle Hank's whiskers usually yield more than that in the spring. The citizens of our town got together and took the clapper out of the fire bell one night and buried it in the cemetery, where the fire department is afraid to go after it. People here have been waked by the fire bell until they got sick of it. The hose company kin ring the bell all they want to now, but it won’t make no noise unless they climb upon the roof and pound on it with a sledgehammer. Miss Lutie Frisby, of our village, who has seen ‘‘East Lynne’? twice and Hagen- beck’s circus once, has pre- pared a lecture on ‘Ethics of the Modern Drama”’ for the Literary Society, and expects to join some lyceum bureau in the near future. Rey K. Mooi comicbooks.com