Judge, 1912-05-18 · page 19 of 24
Judge — May 18, 1912 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains **multiple unrelated items** typical of Judge's satirical format: **Main Content:** - Humorous anecdotes about Senator Thurman (likely William Allen Thurman, 19th-century politician) emphasizing his wife's household dominance - A joke about married couples and pre-engagement kissing customs - **Satire on Theodore Roosevelt**: After dying, T.R. demands an enormous choir ("million sopranos," "million altos," "million tenors") to lead, then insists on singing bass solo—mocking Roosevelt's well-known bombastic personality and need to dominate any situation **Advertisements:** - Large Schlitz beer ad citing scientific evidence that brown bottles protect beer from light damage - Hotel Kaaterskill resort advertisement The Roosevelt piece is the clearest satire: it captures contemporary public perception of T.R. as an unstoppable egotist who must control everything and be the center of attention, even in heaven.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
surveyed all carefully and answered, “Gentlemen, I am of the same opinion as that gentleman there with the big axe.’" It is related that upon one occasion Senator Thurman's friends visited his house to apprise him that a new politi- cal honor had been conferred upon him. He was pleased, but after they had been seated a few moments the conversation lagged and the old Roman seemed to be illatease. His wife tried her best to entertain the campaigners and the Sen- ator excused himself. He presently ap- peared with his boots and topcoat on. “Gentlemen,’’ said he, ‘‘we will now go out and get something to smoke. My wife is the boss here, and we never have anything to drink in the house.’’ Mrs. Thurman looked pleased as she closed the door after them. ‘‘As I was say- ing,” added the Senator, ‘‘she runs the house, but, thank God! she doesn’t run the town!” The subject of ‘kissing before en- gagements for marriage’ came up at a whist club of half a dozen married cou- ples. It turned out that not one of the women had been kissed until her troth was plighted. One of the men had a poormemory. ‘‘We used to kiss some- times, didn’t we?"’ he said to his wife. “No, " she said, with deep indig- nation. ou tried to, and you fought for the privilege, but you never suc- ceeded.’" is that so?’’ the husband remarked. sed so many’’—— “What's that?) What did you say?" the wife asked. There was a pause. Intense but sup- pressed excitement was visible on the faces of the other married men. “TI say,’’ said the husband, ‘‘I have kissed you so many times that I can’t remember when I began. Then the other married men breathed more freely. Quite Capable. A story is going around to this effect. T. R. died and went to heaven. Saint Peter welcomed him eagerly and said, “Come in, come right in! Glad to see you!"’ T. R. --*Yes, Twill, I like this sort of thing, but I want something impor- tant to do.”” S. P.—Certainly. You shall lead the cho T. R.—‘That’s good; but I want a big choir, “You shall have it."" I want a million sopranos."’ -—'*You shall have them.’’ T. R.—'‘1 want a million altos."’ —*'I want a million tenors.”’ s *You shall have them.”’ _ T. R.—'*Very good. It is quite sat- isfactory."" S. P.—“But you have no ba: T. R.—*Oh, 1 will sing bass.’’—Inde- Pendent, Art dealer—‘This is ‘Joseph Sold for irty Pieces of Silver.’”’ Mrs. Pepper—Umph! Don’t think Iwant it, even at that price.” 19 Any Scientist willl tell you that Beer keeps best in Brown Bottles Wahl-Henius Institute of Fermentology, Chicago. writes: “We have tested beers repeatedly, placing the bottles into direct sunlight, and testing the same after one, two, three and five minutes exposure; found that the beer with three and five minutes exposure became undrinkable on account of the peculiar odor developed. The detrimental effect of light upon beer can be successfully counteracted by the employment of brown or dark colored glass bottles.” Schlitz uses the Brown Bottle to protect its purity from the brewery to your glass. @ | Order a case from your dealer today. See that crown or cork is branded “Schlitz.” e Deer That Made Milwaukee Famous. “A SUMMER OUTING ABOVE THE CLOUDS.” HOTEL KAATERSKILL SATSKILL MOUNTAINS. ELEVATION 3,000 FEET. Opens oo Thursday, June 7, remaining open until after Labor Day. The largest mountain hotel In the world. Leased for aterm of years to Mr. Harrison S. Downs and Mr. George A. Richards, Newly decorated, papered, completely renovated and placed in perfect condition. Climate, scenery and location unequalled, either In Europe or America. Modern Garage, Canoeing, Fishing, Golf, Tennis, Bowling, Billiards, Pool, Dancing, Mountain Climbing, Baseball (Catskitl Mountale League), Excellent accommodations for conventions. Assembly rooms seating fron: 0 to 1.000 persons. A musical four o'clock afternoon tea served dally. No extra charge to guests. Celebrated Symphony Orchestra. Special attractions and inducements for the younger set. Hops seml-weekly. An up-to-date Rathskeller, with reasonable prices. Siwclal rates to familien Translent rates $4.00 per day and up, according to location of rooms, For reservation of rooms and all information address HARRISON S. DOWNS, Berkeley Lyceum, 19, 21 West 44th Street, New York. (Onponite Merry's) in answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com