Judge — March 16, 1912 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Woman's Own Page. By CAROLYN WELLS. HE LEARNS to pare po- tatoes And how to sweep a room, And how to can tomatoes And how to buy a broom. And how to polish brasses, How often to shampoo; The uses of molasses, And rules for home-made glue. Just how to wash her dishes, Just how to dust back stairs; How to pick out good fishes, And how to cover chairs. She learns to label spices To renovate black sil How thick tocut bread slices, And how to use sour milk. How to do up a fichu, And how to stick a stamp; How to use crinkled tissue, And how to fill a lamp. She studies and she prizes This deep and sapient lore, And never realizes She knew it all before! Same as Home. Zoo keeper—‘This camel went nine days without water." Tommy—‘‘Say, did his pipes freeze, too?"’ It Reminded Him. “The dew is falling,’ she said. ‘‘Let us go in before it settles.” Milady’s Bonnet. As THE HERO. “*Yes,"’ he answered; but a worried look stole into his face. Little did she dream that with him many dues were falling and that he was utterly unable to settle. Landing on the Landlady. Hallroom —‘‘What made Mrs. Bumgrub glare at you so, at the dinner table?"’ Backroom—‘‘She asked me to pass her the lemon butter, and I handed her the oleomargarine."’ What Make? Tittle—‘‘ Hardup bought his wife a machine.”’ Tattle—‘‘Touring, talking, sew- ing, or washing?’’ A Sad Prediction. Fortune teller—*A dark lady will visit you for a day.”” Female patron—‘‘It must be the new cook I just engaged.” My bonnet lie My bonnet li For, you see, i VERY OBVIOUS. The plain one (coyly discussing ber last chance) —'‘ But I'm afraid I could never make him. happy."’ The other one—"* Oh, 1 don't think you need worry. ine he must be very easily pleased." over the ocean, over the sea; 8 the latest creation And hasn't yet come from Paree. I should imag- 0 aecteg THE AVIATOR'S REVERIE “* After all, with all my ups and downs, my rise was really plane sailing.” Auto Biography. Mine was born in Detroit, in 1911. Sometimes runs twenty miles to the gallon of gasoline, and other times it balks and runs twenty gal- lons of gasoline to the mile. It holds the county record for running broad-skid. Usu- ally it is shaft-driven, but I never drive it in the rain without chains since the fourth skidfest, when the baby was thrown out intoa hedge and we didn't find him till Tuesday. When it stops, I send for an expert. He does every- thing to it twice, without any quickening effect; then, while he goes for a three- way wrench, I go get some gasoline, and when he returns he finds a note pinned on a stake where the car was, telling him my opinion of both of us. For, as Owen Meredith once said, in that famous insomnia remedy he wrote under the name of ‘‘Loose Heel,”’ Cars may run without show- fers or gear grease or oi! ‘They may run without clean- ing—what's cleaning but toil? They may run without brains—many such have you seen. But darned if they'll go much without gasoline! —Strietland Gittuan The Rule Applied. Magnate (given to advice)— “My boy, it is the little things that tell.’” Young business man (savagely) —‘'I know it! She’s got a little brother.’” Characteristic. “That old financier’s last words were characteristic of him.’’ “What were they?’ “He died at the age of eighty and said he hated to go at so far below par.”* For Once Agreed. “Mr. and Mrs. Gnaggs don’t seem to get along very well.” “They have only themselves to blame.”” “Well, I guess they do.”* comicbooks.com