Judge, 1912-03-16 · page 5 of 23
Judge — March 16, 1912 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The top illustration depicts a "Fraternal Custom" at Yale, showing students in winter clothing on skates or skis. The caption quotes students toasting "absent members" at fraternity banquets—a ritual that appears mundane to modern readers but was apparently noteworthy enough for satire in this era. The page primarily contains literary content: "The Bird and the Worm" (a poem by William J. Lampton), brief humorous pieces like "A Collection of Steins" (German beer steins with punning names), and short comic dialogues ("Acrostic," "Not an Epicure," "Not the Kind She Thought," "Economical Dodge"). The humor relies on wordplay, puns, and domestic/social scenarios rather than political commentary. This appears to be a general humor and entertainment page rather than political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Vassar student—" How funny! The Bird and the Worm. By WILLIAM J. LAMPTON. HE Early Bird was snooping round For something on the dewy ground, When, from his hole, a Worm peeped out And, looking cautiously about, Aderessed the Bird, ‘‘Ah, there, old chap! Out hunting for a morning snap?” “U-m, yes,’’ the Bird replied. ‘*You’ve heard What’s coming to the Early Bird?’’ “Say, have I heard? Well, I should squirm !’" Came back the wise and wary Worm. “And let me tell you, Mr. Bird, Don’t always bet on what you’ve heard. Us Worms are hep to you Birds’ style Of grabbing off the whole darn pile; So we've cut early rising out, And don’t get up while you're about. So, as you’ve heard what I have said, Suppose you go back home to bed.’’ L’ ENVOI. And well may Worms break ancient tethers When Birds grow bristles instead of feathers. The change from a stock broker toa stone breaker nowadays is not infre- quent. FRATERNAL CUSTOM Yale student—" Oh, yes. at our frat banquets we always toast the absent members.”’ We always roast ours "” A Collection of Steins. (Mode in Germany.) A musical stein—Rubinstein. A valuable stein—Goldstein. An unwelcome stein—Billstein. Just one stein—Einstein. A favorite with the magistrates— Feinstein. A stein suggestive of the hereafter— Himmelstein. The knocker's stein—Hammerstein. Only a little one—Kleinstein. A hot stein—Bernstein. A nautical stein—Ebbstein. A money stein—Guilderstein. Another money stein—Silverstein. A deadhead stein—Frankenstein. A stein for an undertaker—Graven- stein, Economical Dodge. Mrs. Dooley—‘‘Oi'm takin’ me twelve childhern back to Oireland an’ do be gettin’ their twelve tickets for the price of eleven.” Mrs. Murphy—‘Faith, an’ a large family is a great savin’ to a person!’’ Acrostic. Several sighing swains, soulfully sere- nading. Parents, practically powerless, patiently protesting. Roses, rapidly reaping reward, requir- ing rings. Invitations, inadvertently incurring in- dignation, Newly-weds, needing no notice, never- theless, Given, generally, gayly gleeful greet- ings. Not an Epicure. “Don’t these parvenues make you sick?’’ asked Chapley of his vis-a-vis at the Spilldorf. “IT don’t know,’’ she replied inno- “IT never ate any.”” cently. Not the Kind She Thought. Crushleigh—Oh, I say, Miss Passay, can you interpret a dream for me?” Miss Passay—‘‘ How very interesting! I'll try.”” Crushleigh—‘‘Thanks, awfully! It’s that one over there in pink. She speaks nothing but Frenzh."” comicbooks.com