Judge, 1912-02-17 · page 8 of 24
Judge — February 17, 1912 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains short humor pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines. The cartoons mock everyday absurdities and social pretensions: **"Futile Waiting"**: Satirizes bureaucratic incompetence—a station agent's pedantic distinction between a train being "twenty minutes late" versus "not here yet" is meaningless to the frustrated traveler. **"How He Was Hurt"**: A child's literal interpretation of biblical language ("fell on his neck") exposes the gap between formal religious instruction and common sense. **"Convincing"** and **"One of Nature's Noblemen"**: Both mock nouveau-riche social anxiety—someone buying expensive property on modest income, and Mr. Winkerson's careful performance of egalitarianism despite wealth differences, suggesting money doesn't naturally confer dignity. **"She Knew"** and **"ANTIQUE"**: Wordplay humor (drug stores near country walks; grandparents' age measured by duration owned). The overall tone reflects period anxieties about class mobility, pretension, and the gap between how people present themselves versus their true character.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Futile Waiting. 66\Y/OU told me an hour ago,’’ complained the man with the satchel, “‘that the train was twen- ty minutes late.”” ‘Well, it was,’’ replied the station agent. ‘ “But it hasn’t got here yet." “Oh, I thought you were asking about the train ! that had just passed.’” How He Was Hurt. Sunday - school teacher } —‘‘Andwhen the prodigal son came home, what hap- pened, Tommy?” Tommy —‘‘His father ran to meet him and hurt himself.’” Sunday-school teacher — “Why, where did you get that? 1 Tommy —‘‘It said his father ran and fell on his neck. I bet it would hurt you to fall on your neck!"’ These Funny Worlds. This is an aggravating world— ‘Tis neither sound nor nic: It's either hot as—hot can be— Or else it’s cold as ice. And should we try another one, No more in peace we'd dwell; ’Twould either be as cold as ice Or else as hot as—blazes, Joe Come Rainy Day Philosophy. An umbrella in the hand 1s worth two in the stand. PARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS? He-~"" Does she speak French at all?" . She— Well, yes ; but only enough to make herself unintelligible."” ANTIQUE. ‘Tell me. my little man. have you a grandfather ?"’ “ Yes. sir.” “* And is he as old as I am ?"* “IT dunno: but we ‘ve had him an awful long time."’ SHE KNEW. “* When I was in the country last fall I used to take long walks for my complexion every day.”” “That's the worst of the country, my dear. such a distance to the nearest drug store."” It's always Convincing. “What is circumstan- tial evidence, grandpa?” “Circumstantial dence, my dear, isa street- car conductor buying a twenty - thousand - dollar residence.’’ A ‘Modern Game. They were playing house. “I'll be the cook,”’ said the older sis- ter. “Yes, that’s just like you!"? cried the others. “You always want to boss the whole show, just like our cook does.’’ evi- One of Nature’s Noblemen. “Money don’t seem to have spoiled Mr. Winkerson a bit.’’ “IT knowit. He’s just the same as ever. Last night him and his wife come over to play bridge with my husband and I, and he never done a thing to show that he didn’t think folks that hadn’t money was just as good as anybody, as long as they was refined."” Landed. Oh, a young couple wanted one day To own land in some place far away ; So they read a fake ad, Sent what money they had, And they're certainly landed, they say! —Chartes C. Jones. The center of gravity—the crit- ics at a comedy. comicbooks.com