Judge — January 20, 1912 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Glass of Good Ale oUt relic ‘Taken with meals of between them. amoo ea the, tawsion of the way for peo i] EXTRA DRY / Champagne The only American Cham- pagne ever awarded a Gold PARIS EXPOSITION, 1867 France PARIS EXPOSITION, 1889 France PARIS EXPOSITION, 1900 France VIENNA EXPOSITION, 1873 Austria BRUXELLES EXPOSITION, 1897 Belgiom BRUXELLES EXPOSITION, 1910 \gium Pleasant Valley Wine Company Oldest and Largest Champagne Producers in Amenca Rheims New York »- popularity (Q Is Inside (Continued from preceding pace) She asked if any one knew its meaning. One small girl timidly raised her hand and gave the following definition: “Unaware is what you take off the last thing before you put your nightie on.”” The next story is put into the mouth of John D. Rockefeller, who, you will recall, is a member of the association of newspaper humorists: If They Were Millionaires. “It is hard,’’ Mr. Rockefeller said, “to realize what a million, let alone what a billion, is. I overheard two laborers talking about millions behind that hill there the other day. “If IT was a millionaire,’ said the first laborer, as he threw a shovelful of dirt into a cart, ‘I'd go to the Plaza Hotel in New York, I'd hire a front bedroom, and I'd tell ’em to call me at six. And then, when they came the next mornin’ at six and called me, I'd shout, ‘Go away! 1 don’t have to get up. I got money.’’’ “After he had shoveled a while in silence, the laborer turned to his com- panion and said ‘And what would you do, pard, if you was a millionaire?’ “The other laborer straighened up from his task with a sigh. “**T'd have half a foot more len’th put to this shovel to save me poor back,’ he said."” What would our jokesmiths do if it were not for the lazy man. Here's a case in point (Kansas City Star): What's the Use. A tourist in the mountains of Tennes- see once had dinner with a querulous old mountaineer who yarned about hard times for fifteen minutes at a stretch. Why, man,"’ said the tourist, ‘‘you ought to be able to make lots of money shipping green corn to the Northern market."’ “Yes, I orter,’’ was the sullen reply. “You have the land, I suppose, and can get the seed.’” “Yes, I guess so."” “Then why don’t you go into the speculation?’’ “No use, stranger,”’ sadly replied the cracker. ‘The old woman is too lazy to do the plowin’ and planti That man ought to have had for his wife the colored woman of the following anecdote: What She Would Do. A colored man had been arrested on a charge of beating and cruelly misusing his wife. After hearing the charge against the prisoner, the justice turned to the first witness. “‘Madam,”’ he said, ‘‘if this man were your husband and had given you a beat- ing, would you call in the police?”’ The woman addressed, a veritable Amazon in size and aggressiveness, (Continued om following pace) Every lover of a good cocktail should eall for Abbott's Bitters. Makes the best. C. W. Abbott & Co,, Baltimore, Md. THE KIND YOUR HENRY LINDENMEYR & SONS PAPER WAREHOUSE 36 Bleecker Street Nos. 32, Branch Warehouse, 20 Beekman Street, New York ALL KINDS OF PAPER MADE TO ORDER THE RITTENHOUSE HOTEL Chestnut and Twenty-Second Sts., Philadelphia, Pa. Hote!, Cater ing Transient and Permanent Guests. Located in the very heart of Phil- adelphia’s most select residential section, yet within ten minutes’ walk of the railroad stations, chopping district, and theatres. An exclusive cafe—cuisine and service of the highest standard. = EUROPEAN PLAN, $1.50 Per day and up. AMERICAN PLAN, ind up. —== R. VAN GILDER Manager In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com a