Judge — January 20, 1912 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

(Continued from preceding page.) suggest that even heaven isn’t entirely free from it: Bill’s Way. Neighbor—‘‘I s’pose your Bill’s ’ittin’ the ’arp with the hangels now?" Long-suffering widow—‘‘Not ‘im! ‘Ittin’ the hangels wiv the ‘arp’s nearer ‘is mark!"" Let us all, little children, learn a les- son from the following—namely, not to goon the ice until it is good and thick. It is from the Los Angeles Times, as told by Charles Fisher, the skating champion: -A Human Pedestal. There was once a chap who went skat- ing too early, and all of a sudden that afternoon loud cries for help began to echo among the bleak hills that sur- rounded the skating pond. A farmer, cobbling his boots before his kitchen fire, heard the shouts and yells, and ran to the pond at breakneck speed. He suw a large black hole in the ice, and a pale young fellow stood with chattering teeth shoulder-deep in the gold water. The farmer laid a board on the thin ice and crawled out on it to the edge of the hole; then, extending his hand, he Here, come over this way, and I'll lift you out.’’ “No, I can’t swim,’ was the impa- tient reply. ‘‘Throw a rope to me. Hurry up! It's cold in here.”” “IT ain’t got no rope,’’ said the farmer; and he added angrily, ‘‘What if you can’t swim—you can wade, I guess! The water’s only up to your shoulders."” “Up to my shoulders?’’ said the young fellow. ‘‘It’s eight feet deep if it'saninch. I’m standing on the blasted fat man who broke the ice!"’ The rural visitor to the city will fur- nish food for merriment as long as there are any rural districts left. And So He Couldn't Sleep. The only unoccupied room in the hotel —one with a private bath in connection with it—was given to the stranger from Kansas. The next morning the clerk was approached by the guest when the latter was ready to check out. “Well, did you have a good night's rest?’’ the clerk asked. “No, I didn’t,’’ replied the Kansan. “The room was all right and the bed was pretty good, but I couldn’t sleep very much, for I was afraid some one would want to take a bath, and the only door to it was through my room.”’ The preceding joke—due to ignorance or simple-mindedness or innocence—has Legion for its name. Here is another member of the family: The Last Thing Off. A teacher was reading to her class and came across the word ‘‘unaware.’’ (Continued on following page) Every lover of a good cocktail should insist that Abbott's Bitters be used in making it: insures Pour wetting the very best. C. W. Abbott & Co, Itimore, In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. eer keeps best .* inBrown Botties iy Dark bottles only are used for beer in Germany and England. The chemists of this country as well have repeatedly warned against the possible dangers to purity following the use of light glass bottles. Light starts decay even in pure beer. Dark glass gives protection against light. We have adopted every idea, every invention, that could aid to attain and preserve purity. If you knew what we know about beer, you would say ‘“Schlitz—Schlitz in Brown Bottles.” Order a case from your dealer teday, See that crown or cork it branded “‘Schlite™ The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famou | Pears | HOTEL ST. DENIS “A scowling look is alto- BROADWAY and 11th ST. WEW gether unnatural.” ORK CITY in gaey access of every point of it~ eee” Fiat ioc Teg Wararakers Allthe features of Pears’ Soap are pleasing. A natu- NOTED TOR" Excelence of cuisine, rally good soap for the complexion. fortable appointments, courte: Sold by the cake and in boxes. 139M SSirice'and herelike surroundings. Rooms $1.00 per day and up With privilege of Bath $1.50 per day and up EUROPEAN PLAN Table d’Hote Breakfast - + 600 WM. TAYLOR & SOW, Inc. comicbooks.com