Judge, 1912-01-20 · page 20 of 24
Judge — January 20, 1912 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains **three humorous anecdotes** satirizing excessive literalism and rigid rule-enforcement: 1. **"Why He Drowned"**: A man drowns because Berlin police regulations strictly forbid swimming in the river—so he cannot save himself, illustrating absurd bureaucratic overreach. 2. **"The New Constable"**: A rural traffic officer enforces a 10 mph speed limit so rigidly that he arrests drivers going only 5 mph, mocking overzealous law enforcement that ignores practical context. 3. **"How the War Started"**: A woman naively suggests warring nations "arbitrate," not realizing they already attempted arbitration—which failed and *caused* the war. This satirizes advocates of universal arbitration (possibly referencing Theodore Roosevelt's arbitration efforts), suggesting the solution itself creates conflict. The page's point: **blind adherence to rules without judgment produces absurd, counterproductive results.** The humor relies on the gap between reasonable expectations and literal enforcement. Mixed with period advertisements, this represents typical Judge magazine satirical content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
yr IG exclusively ZorArst-class travel Fred Harvey dining-car meals. Onthe way visit Grand ens yon ¢ Ti rt booklets of both tra AT&SFRy-Sy. illustrating the stringency of the police regulations in Berlin: ted ss rd mountings, Willeend you any sty fine pisor aa for gramination-altcbarges ea prevais—ne money Why He Drowned. Jn advance. Write today for free IIhustrati od pecking special prices — ring measure. WHITE VALLEY GEM CO, A773 Seks Bldg Indianapolis, Ind. Rauss and Meyer met one morning in the park. 10,000 MEN WANTED age eat me FOR GOVERNMENT POSITIONS. $80 month to “‘No,’’ says Meyer. ‘‘What is it?” ,000 agpelntments coming. Influence unneces- terday, the boat capsized, and he was 207, eed, Pest immediately’ for free list ot drowned. The water was ten feet FRANKLIN INSTITUTE, deep."" san Dep't $176 Rochester, N.Y. “But couldn’t he swim? “Swim? Don’t you know that all persons are strictly forbidden by the police to swim in the river?” The other instance of a too literal in- terpretation cores closer home. We find it related in Harper's Weekly: The New Constable. “Sorry, gentlemen,’’ said the new constable, ‘‘but I'll hev to run ye in. We been keepin’ tabs on ye sence ye left Huckleberry Corners.”” “Why, that’s nonsense!’’ said Dubb- leigh. ‘‘It’s taken us four hours to come twenty miles, thanks to a flabby tire. That's only five miles an hour."’ “‘Sure!’’ said the new constable. “But the speed law round these here parts is ten mile an hour, and, by Jehos- aphat! I'm goin’ to make you ottermo- bile fellers live up to it.’’ Mr. Roosevelt ought to appreciate this joke at the expense of the advocates of universal arbitration. It is told by General Frederick D. Grant and appears in the Illustrated Weekly: How the War Started. A war was going on, and one day, the papers being full of the grim details of a bloody battle, a woman said to her husband, “This slaughter is shocking! It's fiendish! Can nothing be done to stop it?” “I’m afraid not,’’ her husband an- swered. “*Why don’t both sides come together and arbitrate?’’ she cried. “They di said he. ‘‘They did, ‘way back in June. That's how the gol- durned thing started.”’ If we could only arbitrate the quarrel- some disposition out of nations and in- dividuals, it would be a very Edenic world; but Black and White seems to (Continued om following peer) One Block from New Pennsylvania Station NEW YORK CITY Hotel Imperial On Broadway at Thirty-first and Thirty-second Streets Convenient to New York Central Terminal and the 32d Street Sta- tion of the Hudson River Tubes— just across the street—also the new shopping district and theatres. The new Cafe—for Ladies and Gentlemen—on the Broadway side, has instantly become popular. Booklet with rates mailed on request ROBERT STAFFORD coe owns 'roprietor Manager In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com