Judge — December 23, 1911 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

366 Happy Days for “yours” in ene rac on hand for hospitality or personal enjoyment. ‘Start the New Year with an EVANS’ Ale ‘welcome and greeting. Dealers or C. H. EVANS & SONS, E THE KIND YOUR GRANDFATHER USED. HENRY LINDENMEYR & SONS PAPER WAREHOUSE Nos. 82, 34 and 36 Bleecker Street Branch Warehouse, 20 Beekman Street, New York ALL KINDS OF PAPER MADE TO ORDER PLAPAO aati Ajdews—PLAPAO LABODATOBTEN Bock 202 8 Lacs The First Shaver. If you ask one of the people who know about these things, he will probably tell you that shaving was first invented by some antediluvian dandy with the view to making himself more attractive in the eyes of his adored one. He used an oyster shell and some soft clay to do it, and the process hurt horribly; but the result was voted a signal success, the lady found her smooth-skinned lover quite irresistible and all the other dan- dies betook themselves to a diligent scraping of their cuticles, which was good both for the oyster industry and the patent cures for eczema. That is the sort of story which any antiquarian, who knows his business as a writer of popular myths, will put up, but as a matter of fact it is quite wrong. The desire to shave himself, or rather the involuntary assumption that it is the proper thing to shave, is an in- stinct implanted in man, a deliberate disposition of Providence to guard against the sin of vanity. In order to shave a man must have a looking-glass, —it is true we know one man who ha- bitually shaves in his bath without the assistance of a mirror, but he is one of those simple, candid souls for whom the snare of vanity does not exist, and no man can possibly stare into a glass morning after morning, for, say, twenty years, at the same features, following their undulations with a razor, observ- ing their distorted expressions as he navigates a difficult curve, and remain vain. More than that, not only can he not remain vain, he cannot fail to be impressed with a profound sense of the imperfections of his physiogonomy. In a particularly stubborn case, where aman positively refuses to accept the monotonous evidence of his mirror, be- nign nature sends a pimple. After the same pimple has been mutilated on three successive mornings, his spirit will be humbled. That is why the pimply stage, which visits most youths, is co- incident with their first tentative efforts with a razor: it is Dame Nature's way of breaking them in and persuading them that beauty of face is the attri- bute of but one sex. The mirror has suffered unkindly at the hands of unthoughtful writers. So far from being employed as a symbol of vanity, it should be held in esteem as the patient teacher of humility. Nar- cissus was a beardless youth, with peachlike cheeks, innocent as yet of the razor’s rasping touch; had he observed, reflected in that crystalline pool, the stubbly growth of four and twenty hours, he would not have been so en- tranced as to topple off the bank.— Stanley Went in the Bellman, His Guess.—Teacher (to class in geog- raphy)—‘‘Johnny, the Hudson River flows into New York Bay. That is its mouth. Now, where is its source?”’ Johnny (after careful deliberation)— “At the other end, ma’am.’’—Cleveland Plain Dealer, Every lover of @ good cocktail should call for ‘Abbotts Bitters, , Makes the beat. C. W. abbott & In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. HOTEL RUDOLF ATLANTIC CITY, N. J. On the Ocean Front. Always Open Offering every appointment for comfort and luxury. Hot and cold sea and fresh water in all baths. American and European plans. A. S. RUKEYSER, JOEL HILLMAN, Manager. President. Press Cutting Bureau Silisend yoo all newspaper clippings appear about you, your up friends, or any subject cnwhich you may want to a3 sad is $2.00 for 100 notices, Howey "Rowence, 02110 Seventh Avenue, New York. Nothing New. Same old speechies, same old booms, Same old tiresome hunt for rooms. Same old coalbin, same old hod, Same old pesky goldenrod. Same old ague, same old chills, Same old bitter quinine pills. Same old oysters, same old quail, Same old bills in every mail. Same old chestnuts, same old worms, With about the same old squirms. Same old asters in the mall, Same old cider, same old fall. —Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Same old winter, same old fall, Same old worry through it all. Same old snow, same old walk, Same old line of slushy talk. Same old furnace, same old coal, Same old Tom and Jerry bowl. Same old cold, same old wheeze, Same old case of cough and sneeze. Same old cure, same old rye, Same old bottle on the sly. Same old story, same old tale, Same old line of zero wail. —Spokane Spokesman-Review. ¢ Admonition. No doubt, friend Santy, you will find That precious time you'll gain If you will leave your sled behind And take an aeroplane. But don’t forget the buildings tall, Whose towers pierce the sk: When you come round to pay your call, For heaven's sake, fly high! —Washington Star. He Knew Her.—Mrs. Gabbie—‘‘I met Mr. Brown to-day while 1 was shop- ping.” Her husband—That so? What did you have to say?"—Boston Evening Transcript. ‘Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red, Weak, Watery Eyes and Granulated Eyelids. No Smarting—Just Eye Comfort. comicbooks.com