Judge — December 23, 1911 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Piffle. Apple-green west and an orange bar, And the crystal eye of a lone, one star; And, ‘‘Child, take the shears and cut what you will; Frost to-night—so clear and dead still.’’ —Edith M. Thomas, in Harper's. Pea-green piffle and orange bunk, And the ragged rhyme of one mad or drank. You must confess this approaches Miss Edith’s verse—but we can’t sell this. —John D. Wells, in Buffalo News. Crushed pumpkin dawn and a lemon squeeze—- Child, lead your mother freeze. At stuff like this we could never fail, But we'd never dare offer this stud for sale. —Judd Mortimer Lewis, in Houston Post. outdoors to Alice-blue cheese and a plate of tripe, And fourteen Chinamen hitting the pipe. Verses like this make a bosom throb-- L hope it won’t cause me to lose my job! —Milwaukee Sentinel. Salmon-haed vests and a pale-blue tie— Child, keep your fingers out of the pie! Christmas is near. If I sell this, girlie, You can do some of your shopping early. —Edgar A. Guest, in Detroit Free Press. Helen pink tights and an opera glass. Mother, throw me the fried prune sass. Poets, to win success immense Be sure that your verses make no sense. —C. G. G. An ‘‘Appreciation...—A young lady who had returned from a tour through Italy with her father informed a friend that he liked all the Italian cities, but most of all he loved Venice. “‘Ah, Venice, to be sure!"’ said the friend. ‘‘I can readily understand that your father would like Venice, with its gondolas, and St. Mark’s, and Michel- angelos.”” “Oh, no!’? the young lady interrupted; “it wasn’t that. He liked it because he could sit in the hotel and fish from the window.’’—Catholic News. An_ Ingenious Scheme.—Narrating a case brought against a steamship cap- tain by some negro stowaways to whom he had applied a coat of red paint, the New York Times says: ‘*This litigation was all caused by the captain’s little scheme to rid his ship of stowaways. It was operated as follows: heRSieiuy pasram$mefwayyay-trdluiw. A very complicated and ingenious scheme! We corgratulate the captain on having thought it out.—Bellman. A Bill-poster.—‘‘Did that patient you were telling me about respond to your treatment?’ asked the doctor's neigh- bor. “Not yet,’? replied the physician. ve sent him four bills already. Yonkers Statesman. Apollinaris THE QUEEN OF TABLE WATERS.” Bottled only at the Spring, Neuenahr, Germany, and Only with its Own Natural Gas. Didn't Get Even the Brick. “Did that man man hand you a gold brick?” “*T should say not,’’ answered the am- ateur financier; ‘‘he sold me an interest in the gold brick on credit and took a mortgage on that together with every- thing else I owned. Then he called the loan and foreclosed the mortgage and took possession of the gold brick along with the rest.—Washington Star. Forever Lamb. Mary had a little lamb, And we will bet a button It’s ‘‘lamb”’ until this very day. Whoever hears of mutton? —Youngstown Telegram. A Difference.—‘‘I suppose you will do your shopping early?”” “Yes, indeed. I was downtown all day.” Buying?” “Oh, no! Shopping."’—Cleveland Plain Dealer. He Knew.—‘‘The object of the aver- age explorer seems to be to acquire enough material for a lecture.’ “Yes; that is my wife’s aim when she explores my pockets.’’—Louisville Courier-Journal. = The Test.—Tommy—‘‘Huh! I bet you didn't have a good time at your birthday party yesterda: Jimmy—''I bet I did!"" Tommy —*Then why ain’t you sick to- day?”-Philadelphia ‘Record. That Is Natural.—Mrs. Towne—‘‘So Hiram Sharp's girl Effie has become a music teacher.” Hepzibah—""Yes; we call her Eff Sharp.”* '—Boston Transcript. .—'‘How’s everything at your “She's all right, thank you.’’—De- troit Free Press. Don’t jump at the conclusion that the man with a scratched face has had a fist fight. He merely may have been the judge at a baby show.—Detroit News. Wine Jelly when flavored with Abbott's Bitters is made more delightful and healthful, Sample of bitters by mail, 25 ets, in stamps. C. W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. im answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. Philip Morris ‘seer Cigarettes Pure Turkish to- bacco — nothing else. Cigarette value plus only a reasonable profit. Proof is in the trying. Cambridge, 25¢ Blues, 30c Banquet, 31.00 Morriscette (goldtip)25¢ Ambassador, 35¢ “ The Little Brown Box" Pears’ “Beauty and grace from no condition rise; j Use Pears,’ sweet maid, there all the secret lies.” Sold everywhere. ST. DENIS BROADWAY and 1tith ST. NEW YORK CITY comfortable appointments, cou Service and homelike surroundings. Rooms $1.00 per day and up With a6 per dn of Bath $1.5 per de day and up PLAN Table one to Breckieat + + 600 WM. TAYLOR & SON, Inc. comicbooks.com