Judge — December 23, 1911 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Steel Humor. (Continued from preceding page.) The manager of a well-known touring company wired to the proprietor of a theater in a small town where his com- pany was to appear: “*Would like to hold a rehearsal at your theater at three o’clock tomorrow afternoon. Have your stage-manager, stage-carpenter, assistant stage-carpen- ter, property-man, chief electrician, and all stage hands present promptly at that hour.’” Three hours later he received the fol- lowing reply: “All right. He will be there.’” Descent from the sublime to the ridic- ulous, or at least to the commonplace, is the effective point of many a jest. One day a pastor was calling upon a dear old lady, one of the ‘‘pillars’’ of the church to which they both belonged. As he thought of her long and useful life, and looked upon her sweet, placid countenance bearing but few tokens of her ninety-two years of earthly pilgrim- age, he was moved to ask her, ‘‘My dear Mrs. S., what has been the chief source of your strength and sustenance during all these years? What has appealed to you as the real basis of your unusual vigor of mind and body, and has been to you an unfailing comfort through joy and sorrow? Tell me, that I may pass the secret on to others, and, if possible, profit by it myself.’” The old lady thought a moment, then, liftening her eyes, dim with age, yet kindling with sweet memories of the past, answered briefly, ‘‘Victuals.’’ —Current Literature. The Adventures of a Suburbanite. Ellis Parker Butler, a frequent con- tributor to His Honor’s columns, relates the troubles of a commuter in matters with which every suburbanite is famil- iar. Chickens (‘‘from A to Gizzard’’), Santa Claus, pigs (‘Did you ever try to bathe a pig in a trunk?’’), golf, garden- ing, horsekeeping and the automobile all contribute their quota to the experi- ence which is only gained by doing the wrong thing. The volume is full of laughs from cover to cover and can be strongly recommended as a cure for the blues. _It is, of course, plotless, but the Santa Claus who broke the world’s speed record; Chesterfield Whiting, the pig who got loose in a sleeping car; all keep one so busily engaged wondering what can ever be going to happen next that before one knows it the book is finished. The illustrations are quite unique and in keeping with the laugh- able matter of the tale. Perhaps the best is the one which illustrates the sub- urbanite’s experience with a dog on the golf links. ‘‘Trying it on the Dog” would seem to be the proper caption for it.—(Doubleday, Page & Co., Garden City, N. ¥.) The worst about trying luxuries is that once you do, they become necessar- ies.—N. Y. Press. Mothers will nd Mra, Wiaslew’s Seething Srp the b.st remedy for their children. 25c. a teh heh beh hebeh7: | TIL The World-Wide Fame of HUNTER BALTIMORE RYE Is founded upon its superior Excellence its Ripe Richness and Rare flavor Sold at all Gret-class cafes and We. LANAHIAN & SON Bune Ri Where Justice Dawdles. “In Kansas the condemned ruffian had just been found guilty and given a jail sentence. “But before you begin your term of imprisonment,’’ said the kind judge, “you may go home and settle up your affairs.’ “It will take some time, the condemned one. “No doubt, no doubt,’’ said the kind judge. ‘‘Do the hest you can, Charlie, ‘and when your -ady to visit the jail just drop me sstal, or step in the next time you . pen to be going by. Nice day, isn’t 1t?’’—Cleveland Plain Dealer. "" exclaimed A Pleasing Sight. Yes, my son.”” “What is a popular uprising?”’ “Why a popular uprising, my boy, is when every man in a street-car gets up and offers his seat when one lone woman enters the car.’’—Yonker’s Statesman. The natural ripening and mellowing of P. B. gives it a flavor which cannot be obtained where fermentation is forced. P. B. is above all else an honest brew of pure malt and hops brewed by master brewers. It's the best ale brewed. Try it. At leading Hotets, Restaurants and Cafes A. G. VAN NOSTRAND, "issue waa’ Better than Scotch Better than trish GOODERHAM & WORTS Canadian Whisky Can be used as Liqueur after dinner Better than Bourbon Better than Rye 1 pollandT Ny ip Management that has long catered to public demand, an HOTEL PERFECTION AT CONSISTENT RATES 4 BOOKLET PY Sth Ave. and 30th St. a Offers All f That is Best in Hotel Life Recognized for yearsas the headquarters of New York's representative visitors from every state in the union. g Asanged, appointed and conducted under an established system of Hotel ra BES NG In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. NEW YORK CITYIQN ~ a comicbooks.com