Judge, 1911-12-02 · page 5 of 24
Judge — December 2, 1911 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The top illustration depicts a winter rural scene with two figures and oxen, captioned "The Optimist" with dialogue about laying dares. This appears to be a generic humorous scene rather than political satire. Below are several short stories and poems: "Mother Goose Up-to-date" modernizes the nursery rhyme; "How the Game Was Won" describes a football victory at a female seminary through unconventional tactics; "The Questioning Swain" is a romantic poem; and "Sweet Innocence" is a brief anecdote about sleep habits. The page contains a simple cartoon face sketch labeled "ISN'T THE MOON LOVELY TO-NIGHT?" This page appears to be primarily **humorous fiction and light verse** rather than political satire. The content focuses on domestic life, romance, and whimsy typical of Judge's entertainment sections.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Hobbs—'' Turr'ble, ain’t it ?"" Mother Goose Up-to-date. 'HREE wise men of Gotham Started to 'Frisco by air; If their aeroplane had been stronger, My tale would have been longer. How the Game Was Won. By FP. PITZER. THE FOOTBALL game between the female students of Mother Tangle- foot’s School for Suffragettes and Sarah Skinflint’s Seminary was on—and it was on straight, too. The game was almost over, the score standing 0 to 0, and the rats, Marcel waves, switches, and hairpins scattered about the field were evidences of a bat- tle hard fought. ‘Two and a quarter yards to gain!’’ shouted the pretty referee, watching the plays through her lorgnette. “A mere remnant!”’ scoffed Elizabeth Poppipeece, captain of the Tanglefoots. When the players heard that there was only one more minute of play, the captain of the Skinflints decided to put into play the new wedge which would carry her seminary to victory. This formation had been practiced behind closed doors for many months and was counted on to be a sure winner. THE OPTIMIST. Dobbi:—"* Wa-al, I don't know. “6-4-5-9!"" rang out the figures, which was Dorothy Goodwaitre’s signal to put the wonderful move into play. Now it happened that, while Dorothy was on her summer vacation, she had taken a temporary position as telephone “ISN'T THE MOON LOVELY TO-NIGHT?” i operator, and in the excitement, when she heard the captain shout the numbers, she stood dumfounded for a few minutes and then bawled, ‘‘6-4-5-9 what? Cort- landt, John, Spring’’—— But the Tanglefoots had already el- bowed their way to the goal and victory. It lays the dust."* The Questioning Swain. By S. B. RISER, H, WOULD she still be fair to see If she were not so richly dressed? Most beautiful she seems to be— Oh, would she still be fair to see In clothes that were so plain that she By native grace alone were blessed? Oh, would she still be fair to see If she were not so richly dressed? Oh, would her gentleness endure If I were not where I might hear? Would she remain so good, so pure— Oh, would her gentleness endure If she had reason to be sure Her sisters only lingered near? Oh, would her gentleness endure If I were not where I might hear? Oh, would I be her hero still If we were bound by sacred ties? Would she be governed by my will— Oh, would I be her hero still, And would I have the splendid thrill I now have, gazing in her eyes? Oh, would I be her hero still If we were bound by sacred ties? Sweet Innocence. “| NEVER am at my best,’’ he said, “unless I get at least eight hours of sleep every night.”” ‘*What late hours you must be in the habit of keeping!’’ she innocently re- plied. comicbooks.com