Judge, 1911-10-14 · page 8 of 23
Judge — October 14, 1911 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous essay by Robert W. Sneddon personifying smoking pipes as beloved household pets. The author treats pipes with affectionate mock-seriousness, describing their "character," "vices," and "virtues" as if they were actual companions. The satire gently mocks Victorian gentleman culture and the sentimental attachment men developed to their smoking pipes. The accompanying illustrations show pipes anthropomorphized with facial features, and a domestic scene where a woman warns against a man's "dangerous" pipe—the humor suggesting pipes could become obsessive, even threatening, to proper household order. The essay offers tongue-in-cheek advice on selecting the "right" pipe (briar, not corncob; no excessive ornamentation), treating what was actually a trivial consumer choice with elaborate, serious consideration. This exaggeration of masculine preferences for quality tobacco accessories reflects period class anxieties and gender dynamics around domestic leisure.
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they can be rendered nighly decorative and useless as members of society. It is saddening to have to mention their vices first of all, but their virtues are so over- poweringly supreme that I may be pardoned. The pipe is short-lived. I have known one to last four years, and then totter off the mantelpiece into the fire, for excessive smoking had weak- ened its heart and blackened itscharacter. Others, which were honored with dwelling houses lined with velvet, have been known to reach a looked hale and hearty at the SEATING.” end of an extended period; but those were guarded from all misfortune, cradled in luxury, and fed upon the choicest tobacco foods—pampered pets of pampered masters, There are others ushered into the world, of commoner clay, the friend and companion of misery, black with age, shining with the kindliness that comes of rubbing shoulders with want and care, who looked equally well pre- served. But it is not of such I want to write. Those are wayfaring comrades, not pets, and do not come within my category. AVIATION TERM. Nor do I speak of pipes which are no sooner ushered into the ‘Going up on high." world than they leave it, scarce knowing why they came into it. Nor yet of the corncob, which is born of a sweet disposition, DOMESTIC PETS—PIPES. always in our mouth, and yet turns against us, foul-mouthed By ROBERT W. SNEDDON. and bitter. Its friendship is not lasting. It can bite. HE PIPE is undoubtedly one of the most affectionate and No. Buy abriar pipe. And the manner of buying it is this. lovable of pets. I have had many, yet I have never There are three divisions of pipes—the pipes we buy, the known one to show signs of infidelity nor reproach me with a pipes we are persuaded to buy, and gift pipes. And the last is the devilandshould not be put in the mouth unless war- ranted freefrom vice. On entering the store, demand a pipe, neither heavy nor light, but such as sits easily in the teeth, loving to be there. Let the bowl be rounded and shapely, somewhat thick and deep, of a medium size. Let the stem be of vulcanite, taper- ing toa suitable thin- ness, having no screws, silver bands, or other fallals, for vanity and vexation of spirit lie in these. Such is the pipe I would choose if I had the will, but how of- glance for any neg- lect. Ascompanions they are beyond re- proach, and, beyond an indisposition to enterdrawing-rooms, they can be trained to keep well to heel. True, they will not fetch and carry, or eat out of the hand; but their other traits of character are so admirable that it would be doing both them and myself dis- honor to disparage them for that. One of their worst fail- ings is a liking for low company, with its attendant vices; but by giving them an amber mouthpiece Owner —“ Don't MIND HIM; HE NEVER BIT ANYTHING BUT A BONE.” and a silver’ collar, Slim woman—" THAT'S WHAT MAKES MS APRAID OP HIM.” comicbooks.com