Judge, 1911-09-09 · page 16 of 24
Judge — September 9, 1911 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct sections: **Upper half:** Practical DIY instructions for building a motorboat, with detailed diagrams showing boat skeleton construction, hull planking, and launching preparation. This is straightforward instructional content, not satire. **Lower half:** A satirical essay titled "Auto Possibilities" by William J. Burtscher. The satire mocks early automobile enthusiasm by describing absurd uses for a "runabout" car—including driving it down cellar stairs to fetch milk, up bedroom stairs for bedtime convenience, and into a church aisle during sermons. The humor derives from the automobile industry's aggressive marketing (referenced by the stunt of driving a stripped car up the Tennessee Capitol steps), which the author sardonically suggests has converted him into an auto enthusiast. The accompanying illustration shows a woman praising her gas stove in similar hyperbolic fashion, paralleling consumer advertising excess. The satire targets the era's promotional hype and consumerism around new technologies.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ONE PIECE LIKE THIS, FROM 243" stu 4 INCHES LONG. Tris FROM 4°« 8° YP (Vp meses veLtow Pine ) THESE ODDLY SHAPED SECTIONS ARE ALL THAT 15 NECESSARY TO COMPLETE. THE BOATS SKELETON( BUT SOME EXTRA BRACING BE GOOD AND PROPER) witt ——— THE BEST KIND OF MOORING TO USE AFTER THE BOAT IS LAUNCHED. SHOULD THE BOAT SINK IT MAY BE EASILY LOCATED) oP a [ROCK —~ a IF YOUR BOAT SINKS TRY A LIGHTER MOTOR NEXT TIME ECENTLY I was one among a thousand who saw a man drive a runabout auto up the ninety or more steps leading into the Tennessee State capitol. IS It was an advertising A scheme to show the dura- bility of this particular bumabout. The car had been stripped of most everything except a bushel of advertising matter, which the driver scattered over the heads of the aston- ished spectators as he progressed up the jagged way. The machine fluttered and sputtered and put-a-puttered up to the building, through it, and down on the other side as gracefully as it could have been done with an empty baby carriage. Since this exhibition I have changed my whole attitude toward automobiles. Heretofore I have denounced them as being an expensive nuisance, always breaking down and needing repairs, and I have done all my joy-riding in the ma- THE HULL PROPERLY PLANKED. (MOTE THE GRACEFUL LINES OF THE BILGE) THE STURDY SKELETON ETE EXCEPT FOR THE INSTALLATION OF THE MOTOR — (AS HOME MADE GASOLINE MOTORS ARE MIGHTY DANGEROUS: THINGS FOR A NOVICE TO MONREY WITH. IT IS PERHAPS ADVISABLE TO HAVE AN INEXPENSIVE, MOTOR SPECIALIST DO THIS PART OF THE JOB ) 12 H.P.MOTOR FOR SPEED, Wx H.P.FOR ORDINARY USE ‘ON THE WAYS AND READY FOR LAUNCHING. \ SHOWING CRACKS AND OPEN SEAMS. SHOWING CRACKS AND SEAMS EASILY COVERED WITH TIN AFTER THE HULL RECEIVES A FINAL COAT OF PAINT SLIGHT IMPERFECTIONS WONT BE SEEN FROM A DISTANCE HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN MOTOR BOAT. Simple directions that a man who has the knack of handling a hammer, chisel, and saw may easily follow, and construct a boat that will be a source of pride and delight to himsel or family, AUTO POSSIBILITIES. By WILLIAM J. BURTSCHER. chines of my neighbors. I have found this method very convenient and inex- pensive. When the machine would break down a few miles from home, I Mrs. Mulligan from the Oxzarks—“1'vB COOKED WITH ONIONS, AND I'VE COOKED WITH GARLIC—BUT OH, MY!” ind the envy of his friends. ‘A Gowns EXAMPLE OF WHAT A MAN WITH JUSTA LITTLE SPARE Eat Gy Caw REALLY ACCOMPLISH = ork IT 1S EXPECTED THAT THE BOAT MAY LEAK BUT MEMORIZE THE LEAK SPOTS AND REINFORCE THOSE PLACES WITH TIN ,WOOD OR PUTTY — AS SHOWN iN THE BOW DETAIL was at liberty to walk off and leave my friend to fix it up the best he could. Not having any financial interest in the machine, I, of course, felt under no obligation to help repair it—and, be- sides, I am very fond of walking. I see now, however, that this particu- lar bumabout will forever do away with walking. Indeed, I shall buy one and use it to go down into our cellar after the milk and butter. I never did like to climb those steps, anyway—or any steps. Then I shall use it to run up- stairs when we get ready to retire, and come down with it in the morning. That'll be delightful. I see other possibilities. Sundays I can go to church in it, and, instead of leaving it on the outside, I shall drive it right up the steps, into the aisle, listen to the sermon, back out and down into the street, and never get out of the ma- chine. Oh, these bumabouts are great! Some day they will train them to climb fences and trees—and maybe to swim. comicbooks.com