Judge — August 5, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“MERELY A FIGURE OP SPEBCH.” From a Jester’s Notebook. E KNOW a man who has named his dog Diaz, because he read a newspaper headline the other day which said, ‘‘Diaz Flees,’’ and his dog had, too. “The Outlook in Mexico is bright,"’ says an esteemed contemporary. Well, it isn’t dull around here either, not when the Contributing Editor gets go- ing. In one of the Boston theaters they have dubbed a stupid stagehand ‘‘Puree,’’ because, as the manager explains, he is ‘such a thick supe."” A poet once asked, ‘‘What is so rare as a day in June?” and, strange to say, nobody has as yet risen to tell him that some days in February are pretty raw. There seems to be no doubt that ex-President Diaz was get- ting old and forgetful. He left over sixty million dollars in gold in the Mexican treasury. Bernard Shaw says that the Americans are an appalling lot, and we guess he’s right. But what then? Bernard is some- thing of a palling lot himself. “Can it be said that a woman who wears a harem skirt pants for notoriety?’’ asks Bildad. Not if we have a shot at him before he says it, Bildad. The Summer Girl. SUMMER girl, summer girl, Where have you been? I went to the seashore This summer again. Summer girl, summer girl, Why went you there? I'd not have been in the swim If I'd gone elsewhere. Memories. «¢ AS WE swung gently to and fro in the moon- light, she promised to marry me, old chap!"’ cried Jinks. “Never will I forget the ham- mock I sat in last night!" “Same here,”’ said Hanks. “The one I sat in broke.’’ Their Hiding Place. OME of the prettiest ro- mances will remain un- written, because they are safely locked up in the breasts of angelic old maids. ” For Better. “6C)H, WILT thou take me, dear, For better or for worse? She smiled the while a canny smile, And took him for—his purse. Always the Way. «éT-)0 YOU think a woman can keep a secret?” “*No; she always tries to syndicate it."" NO CAUSE FOR ALARM. She—' But protect yourself, my dear.'” He—"* Don't worry ; I'm taking care of myself all right."* WEIGHTY INFLUENCE. Some wives have a powerful restraining influence over their husbands. Olla Podrida. NOTHING keeps a man so busy as the attempt to idle away his time. Many a man won his wife's hand sim- ply because he refused to take ‘‘no’’ for an answer, More than one man has failed in life simply because he persisted in having spats and in wearing them. Nine times out of ten, when a lover tells his betrothed that he’s not half good enough for her, he speaks only half the truth, Three is a crowd, but not in the eyes of the man who must pay the prima donna’s salary. —Denald A. Kabm, In Futuro. “ HAT’S your idea of the WwW future journal?”’ “It will be written by adver- tisers, and it will contain noth- ing calculated to bring a blush to the cheek of the young person except cosmetics.’’ But Pretty Girls Help, Too. LITTLE drops of water, Little grains of sand Make Atlantic City Take to beat the band. HE Golden Rule is a very good theory, but for one day in the week only. comicbooks.com