Judge — July 22, 1911 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hf GH LIFE THe CHAMPAGNE OF BottLeo weo By Mitter at Mitwaukee 1,000 Island House ALEXANDRIA BAY Jefierson County New York IN THE HEART OF THE THOUSAND ISLANDS In the most enchanting spot in all America, where nature's charms are rarest, all the delights of modern civilization are added in the 1,000 Island House. No hotel of the Metropolis provides greater living facilities or such luxurious comfort—real home comfort—as does this palatial Summer retreat. An amusement for every hour, or quiet, complete rest, is the choice of every guest. All Drinking Water used in the House ts Filtered Send two 2-cent stamps for Illustrated Booklet. O. G. STAPLES, Proprietor HARRY PEARSON, Chief Clerk Hotel Grenoble OPPOSITE CARNEGIE HALL 56th St. and 7th Ave., New York City| Located within two blocks of be: i Central Park and in the city’s most refined residential dis! . this exclusive family and transient hotel offers more in res living and comfort th: many hotels whove accommodations are much mote expe The hotel is within a few blocks of the theatres and sh only 8 minutes’ ride from the Grand Central and Pennsylvania R. R. stations. There is no more ideal stopping place for ladies travelling alove, ROOM WITH USE OF BATH, $1 per day and up. ROOM WITH PRIVATE BATH, $1.50 per day and up. Apartments of PARLOR, BEDROOM and PRIVATE BATH $3 per day and up. GEO. W. O'HARE, Mer. GEE “Oh pe Be Jolly" It’s a beer to know; a beer to remember. Ask for P. B. Lager and get acquainted. At leading Hotels, Pera and Cafes G. VAN NOSTRAND Banker t Hill Brewert-s, - Boston, Mass. A Jocose Judge. | The city magistrates of New York are human beings, not mere codifications of | the common law, and many a story of |decidedly human interest, comic or pathetic, comes out of the justice courts of the metropolis. This is one of the | former: A prisoner was arraigned before Mag- | istrate Freschi recently, on a charge of assault and battery. “*What have you got to say for your- self?’’ asked the magistrate. “Hey? What's that?’’ asked the prisoner, his hand curved suggestively behind his ear. “‘What’s your name?’’ shouted the magistrate. “Hey?” “What's your name, and where do you live?”* roared the judge. “Sorry. Can't hear a word,” the prisoner. | At this a police officer, who used to sell early vegetables from a cart before he joined the force, stepped up and put his penetrating voice at the court's serv: ice. Through him the name and address of the accused were learned. Then the magistrate wanted to know his occupation. | “Hey?” asked the prisoner. The policeman came gallantly to the | rescue, and the prisoner said he was a professional song writer. “*Well,’’ said the magistrate, heaving the sigh of laborious duty performed, “I'll give you a title for a new song. ! It is, ‘You May Be Deaf To-night, but Your Hearing Comes To-morrow!’ ”’ And the prisoner, who had not heard a word, bowed gratefully.—Youth’s Companion. Why She Was Not Thin. Dr. Herold, president of the New Jer- sey board of health, tells of a young friend who recently graduated as a phy- sician, One of the young doctor's first | clients was a fat girl. Her fatness | weighed upon her and she wanted to get |rid of some of it. The young doctor drew up a careful diet; she was to eat | dry toast, plain boiled beef, ete., and to return in a month to report reduction. At the end of the month she could hardly get through the doctor’s door- way. He was aghast. ‘‘Did you eat what I told you?"’ he asked. “*Religiously.”” | His brow wrinkled itself. he had an_ inspiration. else?’’ he asked. “Only my ordinary meals. declared Suddenly “Anything ""—Red Hen. of & good cocktail should call for ‘Abbot's Bitters, Mace whe best "aaa | wp SECRETS. Professional prophet—‘* Hallo, are you the Meteorological office? Well, I'm just off to Southend for the day. Do you think the fair weather will last, or ought I to take my um- brella 2” —London Punch. Swat the Fly! There was a maid in our town, And she was wondrous wise ; She jumped into the dini: And swatted all the —Chicago Tribune. And when the dining-room was cleaned Of flies, she got to itchin’ To swat some more, and so she All that were in the kitchen, —Los Angeles Express. And when she’d cleaned the kitchen up She felt quite acrobatic, And with a mop she went atop To swat ’em in the attic. —Schenectady Union. Hed And when she had the attic clear, No one did have to tel! ’er That she should finish up the job And swat 'em in the cellar. —Allentown Democrat. She Then Froze Up.—Housckeeper— “I've nothing hot for you, but I can give you a little something cold."" Tramp—All right, mum; make it a little cold cash if you will."’—Boston Transcript. The Test.—‘‘Do you see that nice- looking man over there? That's my favorite author."’ “What have you read of his?"" Nothing. But I danced twice with him last night.""—Fliegende Blaetter. $10 to $60 a Week TO COLLEGE STUDENTS OUNG men and women Y contemplate a university or col- lege course, and whose finances are limited, may, by representing THE FRA magazine, earn $10 to $60 a week. QIf you are possessed of enough grit and determination to put yourself through college, you have the ability to make this opportunity serve you as a steady source of income. q Write a personal letter to Elbert Hub- bard, publisher of THE FRA, East Aurora, N.Y. who In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com