Judge — July 22, 1911 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOT FOR SOME TIME. Paterfamilias—"' | want you to insert that notice of the birth of my twins."” Editor —"* Will you repeat it ?"" Paterfamilias—" Not if 1 know it.” done it, if you say so! I'm listening, ain't I? What you waiting for?"’ “Dice done it,’’ said Uncle Ashdod firmly. ‘‘Them two Dons was the most passionate dice throwers you ever see, and when they got paralyzed they couldn’t shake the dice no more. So they just moved up onto Mount Chimbo- zaza and let the earthquakes shake dice for 'em. It was downright pitiful to see them two high-toned old fellers sit- ting there with them dice cups befront of them, a-waiting for the next earth- quake to come along and shake their dice. I remember once Don Hilario had a quake that throwed five sixes for him, and Don Alfonso he seen he needed to throw five aces, so we put his dice in his cup for him’’"—— “What did his earthquake shake out for him?’’ asked Sim Perkins. “And talk about shaking for high stakes!’ said Uncle Ashdod. ‘‘Don Hilario had been playing in hard luck, and he had lost everything he had but his little india-rubber home and the left side of the mountain, so he staked that against about five hundred thousand dollars. Maybe it was six hundred thousand. 1 ain’t right sure. But Don Hilario had throwed five six- es'’———- “What did Don Alfonso throw?’’ asked Sim Perkins impatiently. “That’s how it was,” con- tinued Uncle Ashdod. ‘‘Yep! Don Hi- lario throwed five sixes, and we was all standing around waiting for the next earthquake to make a throw for Don Al- fonso, That's how it was. It was life or death for poor old Don Hilario, so naturally we was interested.” “Anybody would have been,’’ agreed Sim Perkins. ‘‘What did Don Alfonso throw?’ “What did Don Alfonso throw?”’ said Uncle Ashdod. ‘‘Why, as to that, them earthquakes that shook the dice for them two old codgers didn't come but about ‘once in ten years, so when we had waited five years me and the mate and the crew we got tired waiting and we took the Sally Jane and went down to the ocean again."” “Huh!” said Sim Perkins disgustedly. “And, sir,’’ said Uncle Ashdod, ‘that ship leaked just the same as before! Only worse !’" “Hope she sunk for ye!’? said Sim Perkins vindictively. NO LUCK FOR HIM. " Any luck to-day, Willie 2"* “Only for the fi HAT becomes of the honeymoon when it goes into eclipse? A “SHORT” ACQUAINTANCE. BACK ON THE FARM. Shows what Farmer Jones raised over night on one ‘* acher."* Epitaph of Thomas Rock. ENEATH this stone lies Thomas Rock, Drown’d out in Rocky Bay; His feet no more upon this earth Will tread their stony way. No heart of stone had Thomas Rock, But rocks can never float; He went to bottom like a stone The day he rocked the boat. see Cone Take It from Me, Son— ‘T'S POOR policy to go through life suspecting that every one is trying to slip something over on you, but it never hurts to sleep with at least one eye open. Hurry up, my boy—history is being made in a hurry. But before you begin to hustle, stop a moment to see that you're headed in the right direction. When a wise man speaks, listen; when a fool blabbers, keep your ears open; then, when it's your turn to talk, keep your mouth shut. The financier has no need to keep his hand on his pocket- book. All his change is off somewhere drawing eight per cent. When you get ready to set- tle down, marry a good girl. Then devote the remainder of your life to deserving her. Donald A. Kahn A Lingering Complaint. She—''Don’t you think that appendicitis will be done away with in time?”” He—‘‘No; I hardly think it will ever be cut out entirely." comicbooks.com