Judge, 1911-07-22 · page 17 of 24
Judge — July 22, 1911 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This article satirizes American culture's obsession with speed and rushing, presented as a widespread national "mania." Stone argues that Americans prioritize getting there first over quality, safety, or morality across all domains: genealogy (instant family trees), publishing (books become obsolete within months), fashion, and especially the "get-rich-quick" financial schemes of 1911. The cartoon illustrations reinforce the theme: one shows a child's bedtime prayer about speed; another depicts reckless railroad passengers. The humor lies in Stone's exaggerated critique that Americans worship "Time" as a god (represented as the Roman messenger Mercury rather than the ancient, patient figure with a scythe). The accompanying editorial jokes about accepting poetry "as if written by a butcher" and a quarrel over money further reinforce Judge's conservative satirical stance against modern American values—depicting speed culture as inherently dangerous and spiritually bankrupt.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Speed. By STUART B. STONE. PEED is an American mania which impels the victim to get there first, regardless of cost, common sense, the Ten Commandments, or the casting of dust in his neighbor's eyes. . The frenzy is of general manifesta- tion, occurring in most aggravated form in the large population centers other than Philadelphia, and in the extreme Eastern and Western regions. The speed mania characterizes every phase of American life. In the matter of heraldry, the American multi-mil- lionaire cannot wait for a family tree decently evolved through a few genera- tions, but must have one grown over- night in some genealogical hothouse. In the domain of belles-lettres, a book whirs through count- lesseditions, breaks the best- seller record, is old, forgotten, and a remainder within eight months. The modiste, like the Dreadnoughtist, is pushed to com- plete her handi- work before it becomes obso- lete. Miladi’s Easter bonnet is out of date for commencement. The 1912 auto model! harries the frightened pe- destrian of early 1911. The most es- sentially American financial method is that of the get-rich- quick school. We concede that it is right to Fletcher- ize, but we bolt. The newspaper watchword is not “Best, truest’’— but ‘First !"" Speed is the natu- ral foe of comfort, safety, economy, HE ACCEPTED IT. * Who accepted this poem ?"" WHY —* I did Editor —* Gad! it reads as if it was written by a batcher.”” Sub-editor—" It was T owe the cuss forty-seven dollars f and thoroughness. The speed fiend is never satisfied. A goal is but a pausing place, then on— on—on! The speed frenzy is responsi- ble for the record, a constantly swelling—or shrinking—achieve- ment standard which threatens some day to break through the negative or positive bounds of mathematical progression, after which, maybe, there will be rest. The national god is not Mam- mon, as unkind European critics maintain, but rather Time—and not the ancient, Pefferian-whisk- ered gentleman with scythe ram- pant and hourglass somnolent, but more of a Mercury, fleet, Now I lay me at your feet, I hope I will your favor meet ; HIS EVENING PRAYER. And if I do we ‘ll ask your pa, And try at living with your ma. foot-winged, space -annihilat- ing—Hot Time, Big Time, Good Time, Fast Time. We live fast. As a conse- quence, our lives are soon finished. America may produce another messenger to Garcia, but she will never bring forth another Methuselah. Dangerous. Crawford— “Love is a dis- you ease, know."* Crabshaw—‘‘And it must be highly contagious, to judge from the number of pretty nurses who catch it.”” The Wedding Belle. N A LOVE affair the usual thing Is to keep the secret well; But when you hear of a wedding ring, You'll hear of a wedding belle. Natural Error Corrected. OU ARE in error, Renola; where the poet sings that his love will last till the leaves of the Judgment Book unfold, he does not refer to a court record, jor meat "* TH Hon. Dan Cupid was the first to preach that in union there is strength. comicbooks.com