Judge — July 22, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Uncle Ashdod and the Ruling Passion. By ELLIS PARKER BUTLER, Author of “Pigs Ih Pigs.” SPEAKING of gam bling,"’ said Uncle Ashdod, “T remember that time when I took the Sally Jane up the side of Mount Chimbozaza’’—— “T thought you said the Sally Jane was an ocean vessel,"’ said Sim Perkins. “And so she was,’’ said Uncle Ash- dod; ‘‘and she was the leakiest old craft that ever sailed the seas. When she was in the water she wouldn't do noth- ing but leak, and that’s a fact. Seemed peri POLICY 2 — + POITINE T TE ES th CUPRA AGUUSE NAHE Dat VT HL Pett “NOT ON YOUR LIFE.” like leaking a habit she'd got. She would leak and leak, and the erew would pump and pump, and she leaked just a leetle bit faster than they could pump, so we never got nowhere.”? “Why not?” asked Sim Perkins, “It took the crew all their time pump- said Uncle Ashdod, ‘That's why. They didn’t have no time to navi- gate her. And, to my notion, a ship that don't go nowhere ain’t much use. So I had the Sally Jane pulled up on shore." “And she stopped leaking?” asked Sim Perkins. “That's just what she did!"’ said Uncle Ashdod. ‘‘She didn’t leak a drop into her! So I says to the mate, ‘Bless my buttons!’ I says; ‘that just shows that leaking ain't nothing but a habit with her.’ And he says back to me, ‘It's altitude.’ He was a scientific feller, that mate was.’ ing,’” “Altitude?"’ said Sim Perkins. “Altitude was the word he used, Uncle Ashdod, seen he was right. That there Sally Jane couldn't stand the cli- mate at sea le and that was what was the matter withher, ‘You get her into a moun- tain climate,’ says the mate, ‘and she'll recover, She won't leak no more.’ Says I, ‘Mate, I believe you're right! Eat me if I don’t try it!’ So we took her up onto the side of that there mountain.” “You was all crazy, that’s what was the matter with you,’’ said Sim. “No, sir!’’ said Uncle Ashdod; ‘‘for she didn’t leak a drop whilst she was up on that mountain. Only trouble was, she got racked to pieces."” “T should think she would, dragging her up a mountain,” said Sim. “No, sir,’ said Uncle Ashdod. ‘‘It wasn’t that done it; it was earthquakes. I never see such earthquakes in my life as that there Mount Chambozaza had. So this feller Don Hilario’’—— “You hain’t mentioned him before,” said Sim Perkins. “We was stopping at his house, plained Uncle Ashdod. ‘It was made of india rubber, it was, and sometimes it shook down flat, and sometimes it “4 LINE OP THOUGHT.” shook out long and thin, like a snake; but it always sprung back into shape’ again. That was the beauty of having it made of rubber. Nobody but Don Hilario and Don Alfonso lived on that mountain’’——- “‘Nobody but a fool would,’ said Sim Perkins. ‘“Whatever possessed them two fellers to live there?"" “They was paralyzed from head to foot,’ explained Uncle Ashdod, ‘‘and that’s why! And a purty good reason, I call it."" For a long while Sim Perkins looked out at the sea. Then he got up, walked around awhile, and sat dows “All right,’’ he said sadly Go ahead! Tell me about it! “Dice done it,’’ said Uncle Ashdod briefly. Sim Perkins looked at the sea again. Deeper dejection fell upon him. He sighed heavily. “All right!’ he said again, ‘Dice a ve ay Varga SA i) A LITTLE TOUCHY. Victim (catching man with hand in his pocket)—-'' What are you doing with your hand in my pocket ?"” Pickpocket—"" Ob, why are you so sensitivel’* comicbooks.com