Judge — March 25, 1911 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Taek —e4aS — METAPHYSICAL. Si Fifty-twwo—"" If you're such a wise one, why people always refers to a train Sage Seventy-one —"' Wa-al, that's easy when you consider that a train, like a woman, seldom runs to schedule, is uncertain, and you never know what they are going to do."” him good and plenty, he shoved his head down his throat so rapid that he turned wrong side out and right side in again before he had a chance to bite me. Sometimes I was outside of the inside of the shark, and sometimes I was inside of the outside of the shark, and once or twice he was inside of me and I was out- side of him; but he had the giggles so bad he couldn’t bite me. And once, Se 3 TE on ee Eig A WAIL—IN THE NEAR FUTURE. They ‘re grindin’ down the poor worst every day. There I was makin’ ez high ez twenty-nine dollars a week commissions fer ketchin’ automobile speed- exs, an’ now what do they do? They take ter flyin’ machines, an’ cheat a poor man ont of bis livin’, the bogs !"* “* Drat them plutocrats ! so mixed up that I was in the same when we wi him and he was in me at time’’—— ‘*Hope it does rain!’’ said Sim Perkins vindictively. ‘I just hope it does rain!’" “When a feller wants to have a shark bite his leg off, and the shark won't bite it off,’ said Uncle Ashdod, ‘the gets desperate and’’—— “Pours! That’s what I hope it does!"" said Sim Perkins sadly. ‘Pours!" “So, as the shark wouldn't bite me, I bit the shark,’’ said Uncle Ashdod, ‘‘And that’s why they made me an Ornery Mem- ber. For years and years I was the Or- neriest Member of the Bit By Shark Club. I was an Or- nery Vice-President, too. The President was a feller that'’’—— “T hope it rains a reg'lar deluge, I do,’’ said Sim Perkins. ‘I hope it— Say,"’ he said suddenly, “how'd you get outen that shark? Chaw your way out?”* “Tunket, “T never did get out. no!" Uncle Ashdod. I stayed in.” said For a long minute Sim Perkins looked dolefully at the eastern sky. “Looks like it might clear off, after all,” he said softly but sadly. Line fences are good trouble makers. READY FOR MATRIMONY. Cholly Crow—'* Mr, Feathers, I've come to ask for the wing of your daughter in marriage Old Rooster Feathers —* Well, young rooster, are you quite sure you can keep her in the style she ’s accustomed to?"" Cholly Crow—"* Just as sure as you 're a roost high! I've just had my claws manicured, so that I'll be able to dig and scratch for her for the rest of her life.”” Courage and Courtship. By CHARLES C. JONES. E ASKED her hand, and she replied, “You'll surely have to do Some deed to prove your courage tried Before I'll marry you; “*For I'm, you know, a suffragette, And none of these e’er gave Her hand to one who was not yet A manly man and brave Then said the suitor, ‘‘Ho! To me That seems a strange demand You question still my bravery? Why, I have asked your hanc Here vanity came into play— Now, in a flat afar, He toils and mutters day by **How brave the foolish are As to Spoons. 6S? BILLIE JONES and Daisy Juniper were married at last, eh?”’ “Yep. saw."” “Well, why not? ought to be. You wouldn't have case of knives, would you?” “They got seventeen dozen desserts, four dozen soups, fifteen sets of coffees, eight dozen tables, and thirty-two salads."’ Worst case of spoons you ever That’s the way it ita