Judge — March 11, 1911 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Motor Notes. By HORACE DODD GAsTIT. HERE does the motor- 3’ money go? is the query ad- vanced by a con- tributor to an au- tomobile publica- tion. Well, here is a little extract from a motor expense account that we wot of: One dun, or done, cow, put out of business in Connecticut. . Damage to one cargo of scram- bled eggs in a Maine farm $ 44.50 16.30 Cost of collision with one yel- low dog in New Jersey Hind wheel of a milk wagon and estimated value of six cans of milk... eee Various sheriffs on ideal tour through New England, at $10 per day. Expense incident to colliding with a barn door on a dark 100.00 25.00 Use of four-horse team on back- country pike in Pennsylvania Hire of ten men and derrick in a freshly irrigated section of Maine. Various subscriptions to support of New England judiciary... Sundry “‘square’’ deals designed to placate inquisitive police. Miscellaneous poultry gathered en route, at 50 cents a head 9.50 First aid to the injured 28.00 One coon cat, at 50 cents per life, acquired at wholesale... 4.50 $425.55 8.00 15.00 85.00 67.25 POINTED REPLY. “* | wonder where that hat came from ?"’ “* Looks like the Five Points to me."’ A LAY REASON Judge—"* Mr. Shanghai— For what reason do you want to divorce this woman, Mr. Shanghai?” “Why, she does nothing but lay around from one day to another, Judge, and never at home at that!"’ We trust that this little resume will prove of assistance to the gentleman who seeks an answer to the above query and that the itemization of the state- ment may help him to reduce the high cost of motoring by advising him of some of the pitfalls which he may avoid by a greater concentration of mind upon the work of driving his car. We are glad to note, in a recent arti- cle on the subject of ‘‘The Absorption of Spring Oscillations,”’ that, with a sus- pension in which absorbers are absent, the normal force of the strain called into play is only W(1 + ) (1 =f). We had been of the opinion, from a cursory view of the situation, that it sometimes ran as high as D—N raised to the nth ¢ hully , _gol__ G rammit. The new discovery relieves the strain very materially. It was an amateur motor editor who informed one of his correspondents that the short circuit was obviously the main cause of his car’s having turned turtle, because, said he, if the circuit hadn’t fallen short, the somersault would have been complete and the car would have landed right side up with care. We un- derstand that the gentleman has since been transferred from the motor depart- power on the basis 0: ment of his paper and now has charge of the columns having to do with new ways of making jelly jell and telling authors how to take the ink stains out of their last season’s manuscripts. Bildad writes us that, while his chauf- feur completely understands his car and is in every respect a sober, civil, and in- dustrious person, ‘‘there seems to be nothing under heaven that I can do to keep him from rubbering while on the road. Can you recommend any course of action to cure him of thi. Yes, Bildad, we can. The natural function of rubber is resilience, and the next time you catch him at it, stop the car at once and see how high you can bounce him. A systematic course of treatment of this nature, applied particularly in the regions of the neck, has served to cure some of the most persistent cases of what is known as ‘‘cranial elasticity.”’ We have been asked by a constant reader if there is anything known to us that will keep his car from tossing him two or three feet up in the air every time he rides over a thank-you-marm on the country roads at even a moderate rate of speed. There are two pretty sure remedies for this annoying experi- ence. One of these is to cover the cush- ions of your car with a good, stiff solu- tion of carpenter's glue before you sit comicbooks.com