Judge — February 4, 1911 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Jane laughed so loud that her father, who was half way to the barn, heard her and came in to see what the uproar was about. As he reached the door of the parlor, the poor minister ¥ making frantic efforts to extricate himself from his disagreeable position. But his ef- forts were ineffective. The struggled, the tighter he wedge himself into the chair. ‘What seems to be the matter?" said Mr. Doolittle, evincing an almost unholy delight at the situation. ind 0’ stuck on Mis’ Doolittle’s newfangled farni- ture, ain’t ye? Need some help, don’t ye? Elviry, you set down to the organ more he seemed to an’ sing, ‘Lend a helpin’ hand,’ and I'll give the elder a lift.’’ Mr. Doolittle took hold of the min- ister’s hands, braced his feet against the chair, and lifted, up, and the chair with him. there was a ripping and tearing sound, The minister came All at once and then a yell. “Let up!"’ cried the minister to Mr. Doolittle, who was exerting himself till he was red in the face. ‘Let up, for g-g-goodness’ sake! Man alive! There must be a dozen nails in the old thing, and every one of 'em’s boring right into me. Let me down! Let me down, I say!"? in a peremptory tone, for Mr. Doolittle was still inclined to ‘‘lift.'’ “Go and get a saw or an axe and rip the old thing to pieces, That’s the only way I'll ever get out of it.”’ Mr. Doolittle relaxed on his pull and allowed the minister to settle down into the depths of the chair. Then he started in search of the saw. On the threshold he stopped to take another look at the unfortunate man. “You fit into Mis’ like a cork ina bottle, elder. It fits ye like a shell on a turtle, don’t it? Mariar, I'm real proud o’ your present to the elder. It's built on the Scripter idee o’ stickin’ closer’n a brother, ain’t it?’ Doolittle’s chair and then Mr. Doolittle exploded in a haw-haw that could have been heard at the barn, if anybody had been listening. Mrs. Doolittle was in t Some of them originated in discomfiture over the collapse of her chair and some in ai Had not the mi er referred to it twic as ‘‘the old thing ch refer- ence there had been unmistakable indica He was to elf in, ars. And in e tions of wrath and disgust. blame for the fix he found him Any sensible more than-a man wouldn’t drop into a chair of a kind in the way he had dropped into this Chairs 1 espe weren't made to stand every- body one. ially home-made easy ones sentment rose in the bosom the thing. Re: Mrs. Doolitlte as she reflected on minister's ingratitude. Once, while Mr. Doolittle was search- ing for the saw, the poor man made an- other effort to extricate himself from his predicament—and the chair; but the nails that projected inwardly from the circle where the seat had been warned him very pointedly to desist. Every time he wriggled they pricked him like “the claws of an animal warning its vic tim that ape was out of the question. Then it was that he gave utterance to some remarks that Mrs. Doolittle heard with surprise and horror. Presently Mr. Doolittle came back with the saw. ‘Hadn't you better use it?” he said to his wife. ‘‘ You're handy with tools, you know."” Mrs. Doolittle ignored him utterly. Mr. Doolittle applied the saw to the hoops that held the chair together, and they gave way, allowing the staves to bulge apart under the pressure exerted by the doubled-up man within, But just as he was about to free himself from the chair, he made a discovery. “*Send ’em out of the room,"’ he said, indicating the women, ‘‘I think I'll wait till they’re gone before I rise to address the meeting,’’ he added. From the pen of ficuwa. When the minister finally got to his feet, several great rents in his nether garments explained why he had asked to have the room vacated. Mr. Doolittle rummaged about until he found some pins, and between them they succeeded in **stopping the gaps" after a fashion. I think I'll hold together until I can get home,” said the minister, disposing his coat as effectively as possible over the rents in his trousers. ‘I can go cross lots, can’t I, Mr. Doolittle? Or had I better wait until after dark?"’ Then he laughed. Mrs. Doolittle heard them and resented “They're mak- “That's ng to do er isn’t it as a personal insult. ing fun of my chair,’ she said. all the thanks one gets for t people a kindness. The minis the kind of a man I thought he wa Mr. Doolittle urged the visitor to stay to tea, but he declined, ‘I’m not dressed for the oce , and then both men again. “If you'll show me out of the back door, I think I'll be going.”” “Shall I have the chair sent over?" “T think I'll leave it for you to make swered the minister. feather that broke the Mrs. Doolittle heard ungrateful said, and ion,” he laughed use of,”” That was the camel's back. what the opened her wrath on Elvira. “To think of a minister's talking like that!" sh “T don’t mind being made fun of by my own family—I'm xpect it; but to be man said. used to that and made a laughing-stock for a minister of spel—that’s more than I can I know what I shall do—I'll go the stand! over to the Methodist: Mrs. Doolittle was as good as her word. Next quarterly meeting she “went over to the Methodists."" Mr. Doolittle and her daughters have been expecting she would repair the easy chair and present it to the Methodist minister, but she hasn't done so as yet. comicbooks.com