Judge — January 21, 1911 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE HAD A WEEK FACE. The Doctor’s Latest Discovery. Eddiserial Nete.—The Doctot bas astounded the world by another announcement. He has come to the coaclusion et the Pole and was e article saying be did bees able to follow the ory of the Doctor, bet be seems sure of it. and as long as it helps to sell our mag- azine the credibility of the theory is of secondary coa- sideration. But not to dwell apoa a matter which may be to some a trie obscure, let us bear the Doctor himself. he was crazy. Fi depths of ERE my statements in Sampton’s Magazine true? I confess I do not ‘know absolutely. Fully, freely, frankly I shall tell you everything. Wrapped as I was in the realms of insanityon approach- ing my native shore, and maddened and crazed by the possibility of being obliged to live in Brooklyn again, I wrote, as you know, an article for Sampton’s Magazine. Was I crazy when I wrote it? I was. This may seem a deceitful statement, but Iam willing to deceive if I can but gain the confidence of the American peo- their money, especially the money. Am I now crazy? Clearly no. I shall present my case not as an arctic explorer, but as a lunatic. first lunatic who has written for popular magazines. There are others. “I reached America, intoxicated by the wreaths of glory and honor there were thrust upon me. As I walked up Broadway at night, I was dazzled by the electrical display in my honor. As I approached the Waldorf-Hysteria, I was tossed upon a foaming wave of enthusi- asm and popularity. I attended a mag- nificent performance at the Metropolitan ple and I am not the Opera House in my honor. The opera was the ‘Konigskinder,’ which, as a set- tled compliment to my arctic explora- tion, dealt with snow and a youthful and very enthusiastic couple who were snowed under. Is it surprising that my brain was maddened when, after a long absence from this opera house, I beheld for the first time a flock of geese on the stage? I had hitherto always seen them on the other side of the footlights, and especially in the boxes; and this ex- traordinary reversal disturbed my men- tal equilibrium and drove me to the un- tenable confession which, at the rate of a dollar a word, I wrote for a magazine. But, alas! my glory was a quicksand. From the zenith of laudations and praise, I was suddenly plunged into the depths of suspicion and discredit. I was accused of being a deliberate swindler, a common faker, and a base character. “‘Lam told that certain peo- ple who scorn my polar dis- covery respect and believe in meas aman. This moves me more than I can say. Indeed, I am as deeply touched as when I touched the purses of the noble American people. I hope to continue to touch them as long as their confi- dence in me touches my disin- genuous nature. “I stated I was not sure of my discovery of the North Pole, but was certain of the ascent of Mt. McKinley. I now know I was wrong. I re- call my statement. How could I be wrong about the Pole when my calculations were so accurate. Figures will not lie, even though liars may figure. Iam sure of the North Pole, but not so of Mt. McKinley, as I have learned that the author of ‘How Cook Faked Mt. McKinley,’ in a magazine of the recent months, has elaborately worked up an article accusing me of only flirting with the truth; but I pass that insult by, if only the American peo- ple will believe my polar dis- covery. “But although I have re- iterated false statements, changed my mind, altered my views in regard to myself and my won- derful explorations, although I have wronged and fooled the ‘whole-hearted’ American people, of one thing I am sure, and that is that my confessions and re- tractions shall be continued while there is money in it. In that am I not a benefactor, for did not my illustrious predecessor, Phineas T. Barnum, well say that the American people like to be humbugged?"’ James Mitchell Beck. Why Not? Willie—‘‘ Mamma, you hire a woman to do your washing for you, don’t you?” Mamma—“ Yes."" Willie—** Then I don’t see why I can’t hire a little boy to take my baths for me.”” 1m ii My, Mh bi BUGVILLE NEWS NOTE. opinions, and seesawed my Monoplanes are now operating over New Beetle City. comicbooks.com