Judge — January 21, 1911 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DON QUIXOTE UP-TO-DATE. 1. “ Ab, Squire Sancho, this is the opportunity of my life! There is the beautiful Queen of Hoboken held captive in that window. So me for a quick Tescue.—— 4. —— Before the sun hath dipped into the sink thou shalt once more squat on the mighty throne of Guttenberg, where I shall serve as thy head sheriff. — The Business Outlook. HE Democratic party has turned over in its sleep, physicians all say business is good, and the future is beaming with de- ferred hope. Corn is said to be running about ninety per cent. red ears, while a bumper auto crop, with plenty of rye and Scotch, has now removed all fears of a pleasure fam- ine. This talk about national waste and extravagance is ‘all poppycock. The trusts are living well within their in- comes and our great national reservoir at Milwaukee is several inches above high beer mark. It is true that the Christmas spirit has depleted our domes- tic reserve and that our wives are ex- hausted, but there is no reason for any anxiety because American heiresses con- tinue to throw themselves away on de- generate foreigners. This unhealthy condition has already been discounted by our genial tariff, which can be depended upon to avert a matrimonial panic by in- creasing the duty on European rakes. 2. ——Ha, rogue! Release that ravashing creature in the window, or by the kink in the neck of the sacred goat of Gehenna, I will strew thy vitals on your doormat |! —— 3. —— Fear not, fair lady! With one swipe of my trusty sword I will smash the brittle wall be- tween us! 5. —— Pull thyself together, ob, beauteous one, and be not affrighted, for the walls of the castle are before us, and thy lovely head shall once more wear the royal crown | —— The Fate of the Pigtail. ULL many a queue of blackest hair unshorn The yellow Chinese wears upon his head; But he will wake upon some early morn To find his locks a lady's switch in- stead. A Classic Tale Explained. T WAS late at night. The officer stopped Diogenes. “‘What are you doing?’’ asked the officer, “T am looking for an honest man,"’ was the shrewd response. Muttering to himself, the policeman went away. “By jinks!"” said Diogenes. “If I hadn’t come back at him like that, he'd have nabbed me for picking up this lan- tern."’ Fashionable Health. WHEN lovely woman stoops to folly By dressing with a total lack Of judgment, she can scarcely straighten, For rheumatism in her back. T IS better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall. DID IGT TELA You | 6. —— Od's gazooks! Mine old enemy, the great jinx, hath thrown his magic spell o'er me, and borrowed her head fora Sa- lome dance !"” Book Note. Friend - **What is this cute little box here?”” Host ordered by mail. ‘‘That’s a set of books that I They came this morn- ing.’” Friend—‘*What is the rest of this roomful of junk?"" Host—‘‘That’s their sample pages, prospectus, etc., that came last week.” spread news 3 tongue, HE WIRELESS can farther than a woma but it costs more per word. COME-MUTE-ATION. “Hello! How did you get down here?" “Ob, I come-mute.”” comicbooks.com