Judge, 1910-12-31 · page 18 of 27
Judge — December 31, 1910 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
## Main Cartoon: "Yes, $80 a Foot, But Which Way?" This depicts a classic "absent-minded gentleman" vs. patient barber dialogue. The gentleman comically misunderstands each step of a shampoo—confusing "paste" with "cheese," insisting food shouldn't go in hair, and becoming increasingly confused about whether soap, paste, water, and tonic are being used. The barber's calm repetition of "Shampoo, sir?" as the gentleman grows more exasperated creates the humor. The satire targets upper-class gentlemen's pretentious pedantry and literal-minded obtuseness. His absurd logic ("cheese is food; you don't rub food in hair") mocks those who take themselves too seriously and exhaust working-class people with obtuse questioning. ## Supporting Pieces: - **"One Way of Putting It"**: Brief joke about Willie reframing pulling the cat's tail as the cat "doing the pulling"—wordplay on responsibility. - **"Don't Cry, Telephone Girl"**: Addresses contemporary regulations requiring telephone operators to meet appearance standards (height, hair color, composure), satirizing these arbitrary professional requirements.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
You “YES, $80 A FOOT, BUT WHICH WAY?” “IT beg your pardon, sir,"? said the barber, ‘‘but a shampoo isn’t a maga- zine; it is'’’—— “Out with it!"’ said the gentleman genially, as the barber hesitated. ‘Go right ahead and tell me. Don’t hesi- tate. I'm full grown."’ “+A shampoo is'’—began the barber— “+a shampoo is"’—— “That's right!’ said man. ‘Go right ahead!’’ “Well, si said the barber, ‘“‘a shampoo is—it is like thi I take some paste’’—— “Library paste?’ asked the gentle- man. “Shampoo paste, sir," said the bar- ber. take the paste and I rub it in your hair’’-—— “Think of that, now!'’ exclaimed the gentleman. ‘‘Think—of—that! You rub it in my hair! Paste! And you rub it in my hair! I suppose it is good exercise—rubbing paste in my hai That's quite an idea! Paste in the hair!"" “It is soap, sir,"’ said the barber. “Soap!"’ said the gentleman. ‘‘Soap! And a minute ago it was paste! I sup- pose in another breath it will be cheese! No, indeed, I would not allow any man to rub cheese in my hair! The idea of cheese in the hair!’" “I didn’t say it was cheese, sir,” said the patient barber. ‘I wouldn't rub cheese in your hair."* “IT should hope not, I should hope not!" exclaimed the gentleman. ‘*Why, cheese is to eat! It is a food. You the gentle- don’t rub food in the hair. eat food. It sustains life. out food we would all’’—— “Yes, sir,’ said the barber. “‘And then I take some water’’ “Quite right!’ said the gen- tleman, ‘‘But not with the food —not with the food, mind you! Oh, no! After the food! Never take the water with the food"’ “Excuse me, sir,”’ said the bar- ber. ‘‘I pour the water on the soap."" “‘What!'’ exclaimed the gentle- man, ‘‘You eat the soap? Im- possible! I can’t believe it! Really, can’t! I “No, sir,"’ said the barber. ‘I make a lather of the soap and water"’—— “T understand, I understand!’’ exclaimed the gentlemar. ‘You wash the cheese in the lather. What kind of cheese do you rub in the hair?’’ don’t rub any cheese in any hair,’ said the barber shortly. ‘‘I told you that once. I rub the paste in the hair."” “Well, then,’’ said the gentleman, “what do you do with the cheese?” “Shampoo, sir?’’ said the barber calmly. “No, Idon’t want any cheese rubbed.’’ “Shampoo, sir?’ said the barber calmly. + “I don't want any soap””—— “Shampoo, sir said the barber calmly. “No paste’’-—— hampoo, sir?"’ calmly. “No!” cried the gentleman. “No! I don't want a shampoo! Can you under- stand that? No shampoo !"* “Yes, sir,"” said the barber pleasantly. “A little tonic on the hair, sir?”” “‘No—no_ ton- ic!"’ said the gen- tleman gruffly. “Shampoo, sir?’ said the barber. “Suffering cats!'’ cried the gentleman. “Yes!"" With- said the barber “One Way of Putting It.” Mother—‘‘Willie, quit pulling kitty’s tail right this minute! It’s a sin to be so cruel !’" Willie—‘‘Ain’t pullin’ the cat's tail. I'm just holdin’ and the cat’s doin’ the pullin’. Don't Cry, Telephone Girl, Don't Cry. By GRACE McKINSTRY. ime ago there was considerable agit: jirements for telepdooe girls. The 1, a4, for some reason, ted ON’T cry, little girl, don’t ery! They have measured your height, Iknow, And they claim you must have a calm, clear eye, And be tall, to say ‘‘ Hello!" You must take out the glint of fire From your hair as well as your eye, If red hair makes your chances slim 'Twere better for you to dye. Don't ery, little girl, don’t cry When you darken your Titian hair, You may grow an inch, and then you'll find A telephone place to spare. It’s Coming to This. Ww't8 apartment houses along River- side Drive, New York, advertis- ing ‘‘ten rooms and three baths’’ and “eleven rooms and four baths,’* before long one may expect to be offered five baths and a room, or, in the Rooms for Rent column, ‘‘Nice suite of three soapy baths in cleanly neighborhood, with privilege of using fire escape for sleep- ing purposes."’ A Resolution. HEREBY make this resolution— One that I’m not so apt to break— That no more New Year's resolutions Will I hereafter ever make. “CURSES! SOME ONE HAS BEEN STREWING TACKS ON THAT LAST CLOUD I WENT THROUGH.” comicbooks.com -