Judge — December 24, 1910 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE Some Queer People. 66WES,”’ said the barber at the Public Utilities Club, ‘‘I have seen some queer people in my day, but I think the rummest customer of the lot was a chap that came in the other night in a fearful hur- ry and wanted his hair cut and ashampoo. He was the most particular cuss I ever met, and he in- sisted upon sitting there and keeping an eye on the whole business, just as if he was afraid we didn’t know what we were doing.”’ The manicure looked at the barber out of the corner of her eyes. “What's the matter of you?"’ she de- manded. ‘‘Are you crazy?" “Not that I know of,” said the barber. **What makes you think that?"’ “Oh, nothin’,"’ said the manicure. “Only I don’t see anything queer about a man wantin’ a hair-cut and a shampoo; before yesterday, howling with pain. He almost fainted in my chair, and begged me to get busy before his agony drove him crazy. I naturally asked him which foot he wanted attended to, and he stuck out his left. I undid his shoe laces and removed his sock, and, by ginger! it was the most extraordinary case I ever saw. Ibroke three blades, and finally had to use a gimlet to put him in shape."’ This time the barber was the one to scrutinize the other anxiously. “Talking about crazy people,’ he ob- served, tapping his forehead significantly with his forefinger, ‘there's a clean case THE HOME BRUTE. “* Did you miss me while I was away, John, dear?"” “Well, yes it was." and how he could have it done without sit- tin’ around and keepin’ his eye on the job, Ican’t imagine.” “Oh!"’ laughed the barber Well, I forgot to tell you that the feller “T see! wig. "eried the manicure incredulously ithe barber; ‘‘and he insisted on his lap while the barber clipped the hair off it, and when it came to the shampoo he got awfully mad because the old thing slipped out of the barber's hands into the water."’ “Well, I declare!’’ said the manicure. “T guess for cranks he’s the hardest to beat yet.”” “Tecan beat him," said the chiropodist. “T had a feller come into my place only day I knew I had missed something, but it was three days before I could figure out what of dip. The idea! Taking a gimlet to curea feller’scorns! Now, if you'd said corkscrew, I might have believed you.” “T didn't corkscrew, because my story is a true one and I didn’t use a corkscrew," said the chiropodist. ‘I said gimlet, be- cause a gimlet was what I used.’” “On a corn?" cried the manicure. “Well, no, not WE AIM TO PLEASE. Old lady (who bas come aboard during heavy rain) —'' How nice of these railroad folks to have a clothes line up. I'll jest hang my shawl up to dry.” exactly,’ smiled the chiropodist. ‘You see, the fellerhad a wooden leg, and the thing that gave him so much trouble was a pine knot in the middle of his little toe.” An Artistic Romance. By ROSCOE GILMORE STOTT. FLAGG-MAN loved a Stanlaws-girl, On a Blendon Campbell day; The two dreamed great and mystic dreams, In a Maxfield Parrish way. But the Flagg-man, in informal mien, Confessed himself engaged To a very stunning Gibson-girl; And the Stanlaws-girl, enraged, Declared she, too, had once been won By a stately Gilbert-man, Who loved her tousled Brinkley hair, As a Gilbert only can. Then the maddened Flagg-man said that he A coalman thought quite low But a fair Cole-lady caught his eye— So neat from head to toe! Just then a Christy-girl strolled by, And a Brehm-man held her hand, So the lovers ceased their little tiff And prompt elopement planned; And they sealed it all (Home Journal-lixe) With a Harrison Fisher kiss, And rode away on a Remington horse To a land of advertised bliss! Suffragette Slogan. G° WEST, young woman, if you want to vote! “CORRESPONDING SECRETARIES.” comicbooks.com