Judge — December 17, 1910 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE IRRESISTIBLE IMPULSE. Bobby 's climbing the Christmas tree !"") “Ob, mamma, come quick ! A New Recruit. ‘A Monologue. By CAROLYN WELLS. H, GOOD - MORNING, Miss Coggswell! Dosit down! Yes, isn’t it? So spring-like and balmy. Oh, notatall; I’mnever busy. I’m always glad to see callers. On business? Oh, J don’t know anything about business! About suffrage? Why, you look so lady-like! Become a suf- fragist? Me? Oh, I'm happily married! Oh, excuse me! I don’t mean but what you are far happier unmarried—of course you are, or you wouldn’t have stayed so. But—well, really, I don’t know the first principles of this suffrage business. Not necessary? Oh, I think I ought to know what I’m joining; and, besides, the suffrage people are such frumps. What! they’re going to dress better? Well, I’m glad of it. But, really, you know, I'm not a bit suffragy. Why, I'm afraid of a mou ind I just love lingerie ribbons! And, anyway, I should vote just as Bob told me to, and I'm sure every one else would, so it would just double the men’s votes, you see. The unmarried women? Yes, that’s so; I'd forgotten them. But I suppose they'd ask their brothers-in-law or their ministers or somebody, for you certainly can't tell how to vote by reading the papers! “Oh, it’s all in the future, and you only want me to help the cause? What! as an ornament? Oh, Miss Coggswell! Why, I don't know. Who? Oh, Mrs. Hemming- way-Curtis! And Mrs. Vanderheyden- Wellsbacher! Oh, why, they wear lovely clothes! They’re the kind of people that might be called ‘classy.”| I never use that word, but somehow it seems to fit them. They want notoriety, the same as the peo- ple in the country papers who have their back fence painted. ‘‘And you want me to write papers? Oh, yes, I could do that. I belong to the Pallas At Home Circle. You just tell the govern- ment how to make the laws, and you purify politics, and things like that. That. part’ JUDGE is easy enough. Of course I've kept up with the suffrage move- ment; one must be in- telligent. I know all about how they want the shirt-waist makers not to make so many waists, and I don’t wonder! Idon’t wear them any more, any- way; nobody does. “And vivisection? Oh, yes; I read a lot about that. They want poor, dumb animals to have a vote. Oh, I understand those things well enough, but I’m really too busy to do much about them. Oh, you only want me to lend my name? Yes, I do want hon- est politics; but I think they are too honest as it is. They won't let you smuggle ina little bit of lace or anything like that, as we used to do. I don’t mind paying the customs, but it’s so much more fun to smug- gle! As if two or three little bits of lace would hurt the United States government! “Equal rights? Have half of Bob's money? Oh, I have more than that now! What! some women don’t? Well, if they don’t know how to get it, they don’t deserve to have it. “And, then, you see, I’m such a home body, and I’m perfectly daffy over my chil- dren! You should see Bobbins since he had his curls cut off! Broke my heart; but such a duck of amannie! And Gwen is the dearest baby! Just think! yesterday she was eating her bread and jam, and she said — Oh, well, of course, if you haven’t time to listen— Yes, I see, business. “Well— Oh, I never could speak in public! Oh, just sit on the stage and wear lovely gowns? Yes, I'd rather like that. “Well, I suppose I might be persuaded to become a suffragist; but I think I'd rather have an aeroplane. “Yes, I do believe in independence. I think every woman ought to have a mind of Silas Stubble, jr. (just in from college) pop! Think'f 'll get in the ticks is it? My watch has stopped. her own and decide upon her own actions. I hate a wobbly-minded woman! Well, about this suffrage business, I'll ask my husband and do as he says.’’ ““Ups and Downs.” OME men succeed where other men fail, Ev'ry heart has its pain and joy; But very few folks have their ‘‘ups and downs’’ Like the elevator boy. A Faulty Diagnosis. 66 A LL THAT you need,”’ said the doc- tor, after he had made a thorough examination, ‘‘is a change of diet.’’ “*A change of diet? Good heavens, we've had a new girl every week for the past six MODERN JACK SPRATT. Jack Spratt was very fat, His wile was very lean; And when he walked in front of her She scarcely could be seen. The Truthful Husband. Bronson (to fisherman)—‘‘Just throw me a dozen of those trout.’’ Fisherman—‘‘Throw them?"" Bronson—'‘Yes; then I can go home and tell my wife I caught ’em. I may be a poor fisherman, but I'm no liar.’” Where the watch refesred to ‘' stopped."* THE STOP WATCH. comichooks,