Judge — October 15, 1910 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Modern Elegy. by GARRARD HARRIS. HE STREET lights mark the end of strenuous da; The cars are packed too full for me; Homeward I plod my weary way, To sup on crackers and weak tea. Along the residence streets I slink, While all the air rich fragrance holds Of sizzling bacon, coffee, and I think On other people's waffles and hot rolls. Full many a cook of haughty mien The agent's lists are said to bea! Yet ne'er do I keep a kitchen queen; She arrives—and then she isn’t there. The biting chill of each ice-laden morn Drags me from my unhappy bed To start the cook stove, and forlorn I go split kindling in the shed. At length the gudewife wakes her up And warms a patent cereal or two. No joy lurks in the breakfast cup; The potatoes, alas! are scorched and few. And when the noontide hour is struck, I gallop me to a beanery near; Gulp soup, pie, coffee—think it luck ‘The haughty priestess will my order hear. Then back again in odorous twilight’s eve, I walk in atmosphere of fryi Of sausage, steak, chops, t I gloat on thoughts of roas When I have ceased this bootless quest, To wake, I hope, in no more frosty dawn, I'll have time, then, to take a rest And wonder why I was ever born. If sorrowing friends memorial tablet rai To one who mankind ne'er has harmed, I trust they'll omit the usual praise— Write so that others stand and read, alarm'd: “Here lies a man who might have run Ambition’s course, where’er it led; But, cookless, finished ere the race b And rests in joy, because he's dea JUDGE Architecture. By ELLIS 0. JONES. RCHITECTURE is the art of making four brick walls and sundry partitions look like something else than four brick walls and sundry partitions. As the logi- cians would say, all houses are houses, but all houses are not created equal. In this climate every man must live in more or less of a house, but the object of architecture is to make one forget that a house is a house, and, in that way, to make one forget that one is a human being and forced, as other human beings, to conform to the ordinary necessaries of life. The Wise Lady Reader. J THE fashion plates she glories, But she cuts the silly stories ‘And the fads; And she shuns the Sunday comics, For she studies economics In the ads. E BUG very destructive to wood of all kinds—the fire-bug. ae THE PROBLEM NOVEL. Boskzvorm—" It's advertised as the best novel of the year. but 1 don't see anything remarkable about it. It leaves a bad taste." In Wrong. “ HE *LL never make a great politician.’” “What makes you think so?” “ He 's got no kind of a caricature face.”” A HINT TO FOOTBALL COACHES. Why not have the dummies dressed up like professors who have become unpopular among the stodents? If this hi followed, you will notice that tackling aad bucking will be practiced with vigor and vim. LIGHT HOUSE KEEPING Eggs. By CHARLES C. JONES. Old books to read, old wine to drink—such cannot fail to please; but age is scarcely nice, I think, in something not as these. We have them morns—style varies, too, 'tis age that rules the style; and if we break one scarcely “new, I will not say what things we'll do, though we'll not sniff and smile. Political Gossip. Knicker—* Miss Columbia has divorced Roosevelt.’ Bocker-—"" And now he wants alimony. Football Heroes. by DOROTHY SHEPHERD. HE LITERATI of the past Have sung our fame, In philosophic tome and meter vast, Through prosy form and in poetic cast-— Yea, and these men have even borne our name! Recall our prototype—our claim we make on The famed philosophy of Bacon; Then recollect the Log of the im- mortal Hogg. Did not these write With us in sight, While in their prescient slum- ber They read our Pigskin Number? Aerial Teetotalism. “e OME up in my aeroplane Corin me.” “No, thanks; I’m afraid of taking a drop too much.”” Mary's Lamb. ARY had a Jittle lamb, A little was enough, Because the piece that Mary had, Was so all-fired tough. comicbooks.com