Judge — September 24, 1910 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE WHAT OUR GRANDFATHERS SMILED OVER. Pickings trom “Joe Miller’s Joke Book,” “Leslie's Budget of Fun,” and other humoroas publications Cranky. Maccabe, the ventriloquist, was a great practical joker. Several years ago he was on board a river steamboat, and, having made friends with the en- gineer, was allowed the freedom of the engine-room. He took a seat in the d, pulling his hat down over ‘appeared lost in reverie. Presently a certain part of the m chinery began to creak. The engineer oiled it and went about his duties. In the course of a few minutes the creak- ing was heard again, and the engineer rushed over, oil can in hand, to lubri- cate the same crank. Again he re- sumed his post, but it was only a few minutes before the same old creak w creaking louder than ever. ‘‘Grea\ Jupiter!"” he yelled, “the thing’s be- witched!"’ More oil was administered, but the engineer began to smell a rat. Pretty soon the crank squeaked again, | when, slipping up behind Maccabe, he squirted half a pint of oil down the joker’s back. ‘There !"" said he; ‘‘I guess that crank won't squeak any more!"” Spun from Fact. Mr. Cobb has mar- ried Miss Webb. He knew that they were meant to be joined as soon as he spied her. Fitting the Cap. Stra: r (at the street door)—"'I want to find a lady whose name I have forgotten, but I know she lives some- where in this neighbor- hood. Perhaps you may know her--a singularly beautiful creature, with pink and white complex- hell ears, lovely fg Servant—' Really, sir, I don't know’ —— Voice (from head of gentleman I'll be down in a minute. Oh, the Brute! A certain favorite American actress was reported to have said, apropos of rriage, that, as for herself, she was wedded to Art. On which one of those horrid newspaper men thought proper to remark, “‘Then Mary is to be con- gratulated, as Art neither snores nor hi cold fee! i) If You Want Hair When Old PACKER’S TAR SOAP The cleansing, antiseptic and tonic properties of pare pino-ter, giyouine and sweet vege. oils have given it an exclusive character, with unvarying results, for over 35 years. THE PACKER MFG. CO., New York | He Didn't See It. | Ducrow looked to everything himself and was ‘‘all over the place."” One day he strolled into the orchestra when the big drum happened to have nothing to |do. ‘Now, then, sir, why aren't you | playing?" cried he. “I've twelve bara rest, | plained the man, pointing to his score. |” “Rest, you beggar!’’ roared Ducrow. “What do you mean by rest? I pay | you to play, not to rest, Not Happily Expressed. “I have another patient in this neigh- borhood,’’ remarked the doc! ‘so I kill two birds with one stone. Condimental. Douglas Jerrold once went to a party at which a Mr. Pepper had assembled all his friends, and, on entering the room, said to his host, ‘My dear Mr. Pepper, how glad you must be to see all your friends mustered!” sir, ‘They will sarpass ia to ly cosstracted of Beary be feflectors, $0 CONGRESSMAN WILLIAM Copyright by Pach Bros, THE PHOTOGRAPH. oust el ‘ts to throw the occupants into prom atest Parisian creation ia gowns, but ber jewels as As to Credibility. They were telling wonderful stories, each more worderful than the other. | And a seafaring man si once in mid-Atlantic, when the man at the lookout spied a small object in the offing. It turned out to be a man afloat oard, but he declined our ‘ing he guessed he to take him offer with thanks, say! should float into Boston. And,’’ con- cluded the seafaring man, looking ; round, ‘*he did float into Boston."* | Then arose a long Yankee, hadn’t been much noticed before. You didn’t know how long he was till he uncoiled himself. ‘Stranger,"’ sol- emnly remarked he, ‘‘I reckon I can corroborate you. J was that identical man on the hencoop." who Considerate. “You had better ask for manners than | money,’’ said a fop to a beggar. “T asked for what I thought you had the most of."” Where It Went. A little boy, who was taken to the | seaside for the first time, happened to arrive when the tide was at the full. On getting up the next morning and looking for the sea, now far out, he {cried “Why, mother, it’s all gone down {its sink!" id, ‘We were hi Wanting To Know. It was his first day at school. “Well, what did you learn?’ asked is aunt. Didn't learn anything.”” Well, what did you do?” | “Didn't do anything. There was a jeat, and I told her.”” The Voice of the Spring. Somebody tells a story of how he was walking beside a railway line with a man who was very hard of hearing. in was approaching, and as it rounded the curve the whistle gave one of those ear-destroying shrieks which seem to pierce high heaven. the deaf man’s face. ‘That is the first robin,” said he, ‘that I have heard this spring.’” Quite Unnecessary. At a duel the combatants discharged their pistols without effect, whereupon lone of the seconds interfered and pro- |posed that the duellists should shake hands. “Quite needless,” remarked the other |second. ‘Their hands have been shak- ing this half hou Notice of Motion. The railway whistle. A) A smile broke over | JUDGE'S CARICATURE STUDIES. SULZER, OF NEW YORK. THE CARICATURE Wishing Him a Long Life. Sir Walter Scott once met beggar, who bothered him for six Not having one, Sir Walter gave him a saying, ‘‘Now, remember, you street ure enough!" replied Paddy; grant your honor may live | till T pay you!” Open to All. In the case of an oppressive lawsuit | by a rich suitor against a poor one, the |counsel for the former argued that “the law was open to everybody.” “*Well, yes, brother,”’ exclaimed the judge ; ‘‘and so is the London Tavern!” PUZZLED. HARD WORK, SOMETI CHILDREN. Children’s taste is ofttimes more ac- curate, in selecting the right kind of food to fit the body, than that of adults. Nature works more accurately through the children. A Brooklyn lady says: ‘Our little boy had long been troubled with weak digestion. We could never persuade him to take more than one taste of any kind of cereal food. He was a weak little chap and we were puzzled to know what to feed him on. “One lucky day we tried Grape-Nuts. Well, you never saw a child eat with such relish, and it did me good to see him. From that day on it seemed as | though we could almost see him grow. He would eat Grape-Nuts for breakfast and supper, and I think he would have TO RAISE Jona hencoop. Of course we prepared woman wanting to know how to spell liked the food for dinner. “The difference in his appearance is | something wonderful. My husband had never fancied cereal foods of any kind, but he became very fond of Grape-Nuts and has been much improved in health since using it. “We are now a healthy family and naturally believe in Grape-Nuts. “*A friend has two children who were formerly ai ed with rickets. I was satisfied that the disease was caused by ltack of proper nourishment. They showed it. SoI urged her to use Grape- Nuts as an experiment, and the result | was almost magical. “They continved the food, and to-day | both children are well and strong as any children in this city, and, of course, my friend is a firm believer in Grape-Nuts, |for she has the evidence before her | eyes every day. Read “‘The Road to Wellville,"’ found in packages. ‘‘There’s a Reason. Ever read the above letter? A new one appears from time to |time. They are genuine, trac, |and full of human interest. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com