Judge — September 3, 1910 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Love Note. a EOPLE may sneer all they {aes please at what is called \ n a puppy love; but anybody CRUE who has ever had a puppy, Lee and noted the wag of its tail, and the look in its eyes as it wiggles forth its protestations of un- dying affection, can hardly deny its actual sincerity. Suggestions for Modern Magazine Articles. By RARVEY PEAKE. “ OW TO Transact Business while Asleep.”” “The Burning of Rome Traced to Hebrew Origin."” “Probable War with the U: “ Harvesting by Aeroplane. “* How To Turn Boarding-house Hash into Terrapin.” “* Ballet Girl of the Circus Maximus Found in New York Production.’"’ “Fall of Babylon Due to Fit of Artistic Temperament."’ “The Philosophy of Fe ‘ble-mindedness."* “How To Organize a Dancing Class in the Sunday School."” ““Why Not a ‘Seeing Saturn’ Motor Service on That Planet’s Rings? "’ “ Photographing the Fugitive Thought for Future Use."’ “ Shakespeare as a Hatn.”* “Unearthing of Ancient Hair Rats Eight Feet Long.” “How To Keep Your Sang Froid when Handed a Lemon."’ “ Whooping-cough Due to Swearing.”” Glory That They Missed. By SB. RISER. CHILLES never felt the wild, sweet thrill That comes from flattening a barking jians."” ORs He never skidded in a reeking bog, Nor scared a team while coasting down a hill; Achilles never had the splendid skill It takes to knock the bristles from a hog Or lie beneath a tonneau like a log Till help arrives, when there has been a spill. Bold Ajax bade the lightning do its worst, And many a Trojan felt his fatal jab; When from the clouds the fiery currents burst. He babbled things no other dared to bab, But Ajax never dodged and, dodging, cursed The driver of a p: ing taxicab. Her Los Knicker — an old maid Bocker —"* A woman who has missed the chance of being a divorcee.” What is «<7 WOULD go through fire and water for you,”” “But would you put on anew tire for me?"” “DON'T JUMP! JUDGE Of Interest to Authors. By ONE. HE ONLY sure way to make money with the pen is to start raising hogs. Writing for a magazine is dead easy—if we write for a sample copy. The reason so many poets starve is cause editors are usually educated men. According to the census of 1910 two per cent. of the authors in this country are in-dependent, forty-eight per cent. are in- jail, twenty-three per cent. are in-debt and the balance in-sane. An easy way to get into print is to in- dorse some patent medicine or commit suicide. be- 2 ABLE SAFES SF STUMP SPEAKERUS—SPELLBINDERAS. This plant is in full bloom again. YOU NEVER WILL MAKE IT." . “ BIRDS OF FREEDOM." A Surprising Discovery. By DOUGLAS DoBBINS. Y DEAR, little girl, one hap- py day, () | Was combing my hair in an ; artless way; Now, I’m her papa, as you must know, And on my head is beginning to show A smooth, round spot as bald as a knob— I keep it concealed, though 'tis much of a job, By combing my hair in a proper way, And thus appear younger by many a day. But my little lass, with comb and brush Discovered the spot—then there came a hush In her artless talk—her very eyes Were fixed on the spot in complete surprise. The comb and the brush were still in her hands; For this strange thing seen her mind com- mands, At last she cried in my very ear, “Ob, papa, papa, look here, come here!”” A Handy Tool. SUDDENLY the steering gear went wrong. There was a quick swerve. The car lurched against the high bank at the side of the road. There was a momentary crunch- ing and shivering, and then, with a loud snap, something broke. When the engine had ceased to sputter and the man had permitted his hands to fall useless from the wheel, the lady in the ton- neau calmly unwound her veil, removed a hair- pin from beneath her hat and leaning forward said, “Here, John. Per- haps we can fix it with this."” In the Same Boat. F MARRIAGE is a failure, 80 is divorce, for the folks who can’t stay married are the very ones who can’t stay divorced, The Triumph. THE MATRONS vain With old maids vie; Pray don’t forget Aunt Delia’s pie. «¢ JUDGE,” that ye be judged correctly. comicbooks.com