Judge — September 3, 1910 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Reason. H, WHY has every old maid cat?”* Said Algy one day to his wife. Quoth she, “I can answer you that, It gives her a purr-puss i Yin in life!” A Changed Condition, 44] THOUGHT you, had decided to dis- charge your chauffeur because of his reckless driving?” “I did think of doing so, but my wife has got so she lets him take her out alone."" ~ d The New Species. Knicker—'' Does he read summer-resort leaflets and remain home in New York?” Bocker— No* he reads auto catalogues and walks, . UP-TO-DATE FARMING. 1 3. —— and soon he is gliding over his fields. Fannie in Her Runabout. By SB RISER MAGE has a pretty wit, I trow, And Mabel has a pleasing pout, But all my favor I bestow On Fannie in her runabout. Grace dances like a fay, and Flo ir and graceful and devout; The loveliest of all maidens, though, Is Fannie in her runabout. JUDGE Parody on Hamlet’s Soliloquy. (With apologies to Shakespeare.) By ESTELLE MAY NOLTE. WED or not to wed--that is the ques- tion; Whether ‘tis wiser in this life to suffer The stings and insults aimed at old maiden- hood, Or take a man against a sea of troubles, And, by marrying, end them? To love—to wed— Ah, yes; and by wedding to say we end The heartache and the thousand ter- rible knocks Old maids are heir to—'tis a con- summation Devoutly to be wished. To wed—to cook ; To cook—perchance to burn—a: there's the rub; For in that role of chef, what burns may come, When we have overturned the scald- ing soup, Must give us pause. distress That makes calamity of so long life; For who would hear the five o'clock There's the alarm, Make the kitchen fire, endure man’s fussiness, The pangs of despised love, the dishwash- ing, The insolence of husband, and the scorn That impatient man of the hard biscuit takes-— When he himself might his acquaintance make With a loose stove pipe? be poor, To live and work as a bachelor girl Rather than quarrel soon after marriage— That undiscovered country, from whose state No maiden e’er returns—puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those wrongs we have, Than fly to others that we know not of. Thus scruples do make cowards of us all; And thus a maiden’s wish for ties of mar- riage Is haunted o'er with great uncertainty; And so, dear sisters, let u: And stay away from me: To keep the name of old m The Advantage. Why should I want a hus- I have a cat that stays out Who would not Old maid— band? all night. Matron—" Yes; but you won't be a widow till he loses all nine lives, THE SWINGERPLANE. — Brown's patent, by which he enjoys all the pieasures of aeroplaning and none of its dangers. The Latest Trust. TOUCHED by compassion, Hicks dropped adime into the beggar’s hat. Imme- diately the man rang it up on a cash regis- ter that stood beside him. “+ You're surely a methodical man,’? Hicks said. “Oh, yes, sir,” answered the beggar. “ My employers require it.” And he handed Hicks a card which bore the following: “*CONSOLIDATED ALMSTAKING COMPANY OF AMERICA. ‘Agents in All the Principal Cities of the Country.” And Hicks realized that another important industry had experienced a great economic development. STATISTICAL item says that there are ten men with life-insurance polices for every woman that is insured. If this means what it says, any old maid that wants to have ten good risks hanging about the house needs only to take out a policy to get them. A GOOD PLACE TO STUDY BROWNING. Mr. Clerie— Did you do much literary studying while you were at the seashore ?"" Mrs. Earthly—* Ob, yes; I lay on the sand all day with my books. You know I love to study Browning.”