Judge — July 30, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “ Hit or Miss.” By DUNCAN M, SMITH. (Chicage Daily Newt.) HILE little boats may hug the shore As saucy as you please, No joy it is, when air- ships soar, For them to hug the trees. Encouraged by the of the Big Reno, an Af- rican waterfall named Thunder Smoke is challenging the supremacy of Niagara, the pride of the Caucasian race. Modern industry may have to slip over into Africa and tie a few power wheels to the monster to humble its proud spirit. Daily News is “abit.” A doctor fixed up » boy with tools from his automobile kit when the surgical instru- ments failed. There is a useful hint! Mer- ciful automobilists who run over people will pause to repair them instead of hiding their numbers and fleeing. Action expelling a baseball team from the high-school league for plain and unadorned swearing can meet only with approval. With the tropical luxuriance of the baseball lingo and with the latitude which inventors and artists are allowed in chipping in here and chipping out there in order that the finer shades of feeling may be accurately ex- pressed, they are sorry dubs, indeed, who must revert to the sustaining and soothing discourse of the river pilot and the dock walloper in order to express their feelings when the umpire at one fell swoop violates the rules of the game, the fire ordinances, and the Constitution of the United States. On such occasions genius rises to heights sublime, while those who do not belong re- vert to alley slang. It is indeed time—high time, not high old time—for the automobile to be taken aside where a hoarse voice may whisper to it through a megaphone that the human race is neither a cinder-paved highway nor a half- mile track. How like a gleam of common sense in the befogging gloom of technicalities and le; subterfuges stands out the learned judicial opinion that bribery is a crime! An English expert, after reviewing the situation, comes to the conclusion that Eng- lish humor is at its best when it deals with the pathetic. If, in other words, it makes you weep, it is good. Yesterday morning the flower of the Nicaraguan army advanced on Bluefields, with the ill-concealed pur- pose of capturing the place; but the revolution, being present and happen- ing to notice what was doing, said **Boo!"? and the attacking forces faded with much confusion. On learn- ing of the incident the government was greatly annoyed. Life is not all sunshine and roses in a revolu- tion-ridden country. Manipulators and milkers of the fraternal insurance companies knew to them. They were not obliged to die in order to beat the game. Never before, exclaims joyfully the Senate Committee on the Cost of Living, were the people so prosper- ous. What deduction would it be meet and proper and constitutional SQUEEZED. Just because this man bought a lemon doesn't mean that every shower makes lemonade. to draw from such a statement as that? Instead of entreating, imploring, and thre ening to shoot if he didn’t come down in prices, we should assume a humble air and send committee to pour into the willing ear of the grocer a request for further ad- vances. Zeppelin’s motto: If at first you don’t suc- ceed, fly, fly again. “UP-TO-DATE. First Weary Willie— Safferin’ snakes! wot have you got tied onto your southern extremity ?"" Second Weary Willie—" Dat's a ten-borse-power gasoline motor. You don't catch yours truly wastin’ his energy swimmin’ around in dese days of modern inventions !'* Knicker - Bockers. By McLANDBURGH WILSON (New York Sun) Mrs. Knicker—* Would you adorn yourself with anything torn from a living creature?”” Mrs, Bocker— Certainly; that’s the only way George ever gives up @ cent.”” Knicker— Don’t you find subway travel tiresome?”” Uncle Rube—* Yep; them ‘ Use All Doors’ signs keep a feller pretty busy hopping in and out.’? Knicker—“ What is that infer- I'm playing I’m a train and I think you had better play you have missed me.”” Knicker—* The price of every- thing has gone up.’” Bocker—‘* Yes; we don't get as big a hole in a doughnut.” Knicker— Part of Central Park is to be cut up for children’s play- grounds."” Bocker— Why not have a poker lawn and a bridge lawn for adults?” Knicker—* How does Jones per- suade his customers his eggs are fresh?’’ Bocker —“‘ Sells a phonograph record of the cackle.’” . comicbooks.com