Judge, 1910-07-23 · page 11 of 16
Judge — July 23, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine contains three distinct humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"An Alphabet of Summer"** is a lighthearted alliterative list mocking summer activities and types—from aviators to zymologists—capturing urban leisure culture's pretensions and excess. **"The Diary of a Joke"** traces how a single joke circulates through society, gaining value as it passes from creator to editor to performer to politician, each profiting while the joke becomes exhausted ("chestnut"). **"Enough of That at Home"** satirizes stock company theater, with Uncle Zeb reluctant to see farm animals represented on stage when he deals with them daily—poking fun at rural audiences' disconnect from theatrical productions. The remaining sketches—"Man vs. Dog," "New Use for Gold Bricks," and others—are brief comedic vignettes about everyday situations. The "Gold Bricks" piece satirizes gullible rural people being sold worthless schemes, a recurring American stereotype of the era. Overall, the page reflects Judge's focus on mocking urban pretension, rural naïveté, and the commercialization of entertainment.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
An Alphabet of Summer. By HARVEY PEAKE. Aviators achieving astonishing aeronautics, Bathing beaches beguiling blandly, Coney’s citizens characteristically cacopho- nous, Distinguished divines developing debility, Eminent embezzlers embarking Europeward, Fluffy females fanning flirtingly, Gastronomic gentlemen guzzling greedily, Hammocks harboring hugging humans, Icemen issuing infinitesimal ingots, Jailbound joyriders jovially jesting, Kegged Kaiserbrew keeping kool, Languorous lovers lingering longingly, Moonlight motorists moving madly, Native nabobs nabbing nobility, Open-air orchestras offering overtures, Portly pedestrians perspiring profusely, Quaffing quibblers qualmishly quarrelsome, Roof revues running racily, Saccharine sodas soothing satisfactorily, Tired tourists tipping trustfully, Urban urchins unpleasantly unpopular, Valised nists viewing vacantly, White way winking wantonly, ’Xcited ’xcursionists ’xhibiting X's, Yankee yachtsmen yarning yellowly, Zealous zymologists zigzagging zeroward. Mrs. Benham—* I'm writing to mother.”” Mr, Benham— Don't forget to tell her that the railroad company has raised the passenger rate from her town to ours "” JUDGE The Diary of a Joke. By WILLIAM J. BURTSCHER. AM BORN. himself on the knee, roars, and calls his wife. Am read to the author’s wife. She smiles, kisses him, and wants to know how much he thinks I will bring. I start on a journey. Am read by an editor. He laughs and reads me to the office force. My creator gets a check and more kisses from his wife. I appear in print. Thousands read me and laugh over me. The editor gets many new sub- scribers. Reader tells me on street and gets a cigar. Tells me again and is invited out to lunch. Exchange copies me and also gets new subscribers. Comedian cracks me on stage in vaudeville stunt and makes hit. Politician uses me in stump speech, claiming I happened back in his boyhood, and gets My creator chuckles, slaps 2 Uncle Zeb—"* 1 wuz jest thinkin’ some o' takin’ but bein’ it 's a stock comp'ny, I won't! Wh; from th’ farm t' git away from my stock, boots I don’t want t’ see no play acted by ENOUGH OF THAT AT HOME. in th’ poultry, an’ sew on, b’ gosh !"” matiknee, 1 jest come doawn w kin bet yer ws, hosses, pigs, an’ “Ob, having your mustache shaven off isn’t the worst thing in the world that could happen to you.” “Don’t knowsh so much about that.’? “ Well, didn’t your girl like the change in your appearance ?”” “‘Thash why I’m all upset. Thish girl b-bushness. Goes around to see m-my girlsh few hours after had m-my mustache taken offsh, and she rushes out, threw her armsh around me, and saysh, ‘Georgesh, yoush dear old honey-bugsh, yoush are ten minutes late!" “ Rushes‘out, throws her arms around you elected. Lecturer uses me on platform and gets re- turn date. Minister works me in sermon for illustra- tion and gets call to other town with higher salary. Am worked todeath Everybody everywhere uses me, in season and out of season. I be- come a chestnut. A MAN VS. DOG. “If the world was to be made over we 'd make it our business to see that mere man was built to fit his station in life.'* NEW USE FOR GOLD BRICKS. “ Toot Stubble was jest tellin’ us over 'n the post- office about a wise-lookin’ feller a-comin’ up ter him daown in N’ Yawk, an’ tries ter sell a gold brick "" BY Jocks!" ‘says Toot, ‘two hundred dollars looks cheap ter me fer a nice brick like that ; but, say. whare''s the buildin’-lot what goes with it?” What buildin'-lot ?" says the feller ‘Ob, you know,’ says Toot. ‘I understand they 's a buildin'-lot gi’n away with all reel bricks this year, an’ bein’ they's a passel o' fellers up in our taown what Fas bought gold bricks, I was cal'latin’ on tus all takin’ 'em an’ buildin’ a vol'nteer fire-house on the ground what goes with this ‘ere one.’ ‘oot says, ‘Y' ought to seen that city feller new generation comes on and Iam forgotten. Fifty years pass by. I am resurrected from an attic. Am cut out and started on another journey. My destination is the office of Jupce, in New York. ‘His Honor" puts me in ‘What Our Grand- fathers Smiled Over.” Oh, dear me! Must I go through it all again? Something Suspicious. THEY found Van Horn leaning and says, ‘George, you old honey-bugs, you are ten minutes late!’ Why, man, you should be tickled to death with such a recep- tion as that! much.”” It shows she loves you very But Van Horn shook his head sadly and mixed another highball. “Doan show nuffin kindsh,’’ he sighed lugubriously. yoush know m-my name's Will. Georgesh?” “She said Georgesh, and Who’sh on a table in the dimly lighted corner of the rathskeller. Near him was bottle of Scotch and a siphon, and the poor fellow looked as though he had lost his last friend. “Come, cheer up!"’ exclaimed his companions, as they came up from behind and gave him a friendly slap an the back. ‘‘ What in the deuce is the trouble with you, old man?” “ Very deepsh trouble!"” said Van Horn thickly, as he compounded an- other highball. “Well, let us in, old chap, and maybe we can straighten things out.”” “ Well, tellsh you, Made chumpsh of m-myshelf osher day; had m-my mustache shaven off. Looksh 80 differnt nobodsh recognished me "tall." POPULARITY. Customer—'' Let me have 2 ‘ Jobnson.’ '"" Dealer—* A * Johnson '?" Customer—"" Yes; a dark wrapper."” comicbooks.com