Judge — July 23, 1910 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Belles. By D. B. VAN BUREN. EAR the babble of the belles— Idle belles! What a world of spi siping foretel How they chatter, chatter, chatter, | Through the livelong afternoon! What they say is no great matter, But your character they shatter To the tinkle of the spooi Telling tales, tales, tal Before which Mune! Such a flood of idle tat ously wells From the belles, From the whispering und the hinting of the belles. Hear the tattle of the belles— Pretty belles! What @ handsome crop of libels their gossiping foretells! How they magnify the motes On the optics of their friends, _ While the eager ear attends Every idle tale that floats Round the town; Building up their gay romances until every soul they know Is done brown, Hear the buzzing of the belles— Ancient belles! How they revel in the trouble that their gossiping foretells! In their eager hunt for scalps Changing molehills into Alps— And they fib, fib, fib, And the infant in its crib Put to shame; While Old Nick might stand aghast At aspersions deftly cast On your name. Oh, the belles, belles, belles! How the wordy torrent swells, As they gabble and they babble and they tattle o'er their tea! Telling tales, tales, tal About every one you While imagination fails To distinguish where the facts come in and where at truth they balk In their talk— With their tongues that fly like flai Till no living man but quails At the mingled, mangled mess of truth and falsehood in the tales . Of the belles, in the gossip and the scandal of the belles. The Indian Sense of Humor. John Adams, in the days of his presi- dency, kept a diary. Occasionally it contained a mirthful effusion. His In- dian story is often quoted as one of the best examples of sheer wit. It seems that a certain landlord asked an Indian more for rum in the spring than he did in the fall. Naturally the Indian wanted to know the reason. Landlord—'It costs me as much to keep a hogshead of rum over winter as a horse."” Indian—‘'He won't eat so much ha: Maybe he drink as much water. A rod, a line, a pipe, some tobacco an Could mortal ask for greater joy? Pall the cork and see. Leading dealers and places. ©. HL EVANS & SONS, Reteen, BT -andal their gos- | JUDGE The Treacherous Gizzen and the Captive Gump. By ARTHUR T. CRICHTON. The Gizzen said, ‘‘Ob, never mind! Come in the way you are! *Twould not be style for Gizzens, But for Gumps—why, who would care?” And 80 The Gump went in—quite bare! ROM a far Alaskan village Came a Gi The Gizzen w | ‘The Gump he w fact, A wooden-headed **‘sumpf."” 1 In They frolicked in the water— Made of wood, they couldn’t drown. The Gizzen floated on his back, But the Gump was upside down! That's what! Heels up and head way down! i} journeyed to the Southland, here the sun is fiercely hot. sweat great tears of balsam They They gum, | And thought they'd surely drop; But, then, ‘The hot sand made them hop! The Gizzen put on lots of airs | And bragged to beat the band, Ignoring quite his friend, the Gump, Who's anchored on the strand. Just look! He’s pegged down in the sand! | At last they reached a bathing beach, | Footsore and weak of limb. “‘Hurrah!"’ the Gizzen cried with glee; “We'll have a dandy swim! You bet! ‘A swim will give us vim.”” An antiquary passed that way And saw the uncouth lump. (A sort of Chilcat ‘‘Billiken,’’ Carved from a fir-tree stump.) is? They “‘borrowed"? two old bathing suits, The Ginzen’s was 00 1067 ie The Gump he was so cramped and st! He could not get his on. He took it to the M Too bad! The clothes would not go on! At those who come tos That's right! ° In Section 1 (the left-hand side) ; it’s | ‘Sumpf, a stmpleton (provincial British), pro- ‘pumber—23! | In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. The Spiders and the Elephant. By CHARLES IRVIN JUNKIN. «WILE. you walk into my parlor?” Said the Spider to the Fly. “T have sugar plums and cookies And the nicest kind of pie!" the Flylet, iz Just to fill me up with goodies And then drop me in the soup “* Will you walk into my stable?” Said the Democratic Mule. “I will treat you to some thist! From the Bryanitic school !”’ “Now, I wonder,"” said the Voter, “Am [really green as grass? Could I eat such donkey fodder? Does he think I am an ass? “« Will you flop into my puddle?” Said the Socialistie Duck. “Twill give you earth and heaven And a round of endless luck !"" ow, I wonder,” said the Voter, “If the goods are in the pot, Or a scheme to put a mortgage On my little house and lot!" “ Will you stay right in the party?” Said the Elephant, and won! “You have golden eggs and 'praties And a raisin on your bun!”” “* Now, I wonder,"’ said the Voter, “* What's the use of breaking loose? 1 use my little hatchet, I may kill the golden goose!” If Hoots from a Wise Owl. IME may fly very quickly, but the leader of an orchestra can beat it. Even a good-natured girl is bound to raise a racket when she plays lawn tennis. The only thing that is harder to dodge than the automobile is the bill-collector, In the days to come grandfathers will tell the children how ‘* we used to cele- brate the Fourth.” “There is nothing like having a place for everything,"” remarked the baby, as it put a tack in its mouth . CHANGE. QUIT COFFEE AND GOT WELL. A woman's coffee experience is inter- esting. ‘‘For two weeks at a time I have taken no food but skim milk, for solid food would ferment and cause such distress that I could hardly breathe at i also excruciating pain and heert ion, and all the time I was so nervous and restless. “* From childhood up I had been a cof- fee and tea drinker, and for the past 20 years I have been trying different phy- sicians, but could get only temporary relief. Then I read an article telling how some one had been cured by leaving off coffee and drinking Postum, and it seemed so pleasant just to read about good health I decided to try Postum in place of coffee. “I made the change from coffee to Postum, and such a change there is in me that 1 don’t feel like the same per- son. We all found Postum d and like it better than coffee. health now is wonderfully good. “* As soon as I made the shift from coffee to Postum I got better, and now all of my troubles are gone. I am fleshy, my food assimilates, the pressure in the chest and palpitat are all gone, my bowels are regular, have no more stomach trouble, and my head- aches are gone. Remember, I did not use medicines at all—just left off coffee and drank Postum steadily.’” Read “‘ The Road to Wellville,’’ found in packages. ‘‘ There's a Reason. Ever read the above letter? A one appears from time to They are genuine, true, interest. new time. and full of human