Judge — July 9, 1910 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Reflections of Uncle Ezra. By ROY &. MOULTON NCLE ANDY CARNEGIE has discovered $1,000,000 that he didn’t know he had. This is something that seldom happens to the ultimate consumers of the Carnegie libraries. I never yit see a millionaire that didn’t wear a turn-down collar and look as though he needed a shave and a shine. Last Thursday was Hank Purdy’s birthday, and his lodge brothers gave him three presents—three cheers, Yes, lingerie covers a multitude of shins, but not always in the vicinity of the Flatiron Buildi I see Mr. Swift, of New York, has married Miss Hurry. That couple ought to go some, all right. That Omaha woman who fell off from a shot tower and landed on her rat, unhurt, certainly had a hairbreadth escape. Speakin’ of stiddy jobs, a rubber oyster in a restaurant certainly has one durin’ the stew season. Amos Briggs, our gentlemanly tonsorial artist, is turnin’ out some very fancy scroll saw work lately. He uses his reg- ular barber-shop razor for it, hookin’ the razor onto his wife's sewin’ machine. Noah Webster is about the most versatile writer I ever see. In his last story he uses putty nigh every word in the English language. Another remarkable thing about Noah is that, although he has been dead a good many years, he keeps right on writin’ his books, and there is a new one out every year or so. Some feller says that the dog is man’s best friend, but it ain't so. A man’s best friend is his suspenders. A correspondent says Roosevelt is charmin'ly democratic, but we can see his finish if he tries to run for President on that ticket. In spite of the Black Hand threats, Mr. Caruso seems to continue on the even tenor of his way. It is a mighty thoughtless woman who will use her hus- band’s safety razor to pare potaters with, and a mighty shif’- less husband who will use his wife's atomizer to spray potater bugs with. I never saw a gold mantel clock that kept geod time or a thirty-nine-cent alarm clock that didn’t. Hot-weather JF. BY some mischance you find yourself spending the night at some spot where there are mosquitoes, a comparatively easy way to render them harmless is to seize them by the hind legs and tie their bills together with a piece of darning cotton. Sufferers from superfluous flesh will find this an excellent ata ety y He IS O38: Wi eas estas THE LATEST MODELS. / Mrs, Sumclass—" Take the butterfly plane back to the garage, Emil, and bring the mosquito model. T 've concluded to go to Jersey instead of Newport.”” ee OLED, ae GOING UP! President—"' Humph! _{ don’t like that."" Director—"* It is a risky business.”’ President—" 1 guess it is, That's our cashier practicing on a flying machine."* Suggestions. month in which to reduce their weight. The most approved method of doing this is to eat only one meal a day, to run fifteen miles every morning before breakfast, play six sets of tennis in the fore- noon, and to devote the afternoon to some light exercise, such as walking, canoeing, or bowling. If, in addition to this, you will wear your winter under- clothing from the first to the thirty-first, and sleep in a feather bed with an eider- down quilt over you, there is no reason why you should not take off several pounds, If your hotel room looks out over a frog pond and the bleating of the bullfrogs keeps you from sleeping at night, you can, of course, put a dynamite bomb in the pond and blow it out of exist- ence; but the more humane method is to stuff your ears with cotton, close your win- dows, and sleep with your head buried under the mat- tress. The wearing of fur- lined overcoats at summer resorts at this season of the year smacks of ostenta- tion and will be scrupulously avoided by persons who have any desire to be de rigueur. comicbooks.com