Judge — July 9, 1910 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JU KEEPS HIM IN pard, jest bring me a nice porterhouse steak, some potatoes vict—"" Say, ratin, stewed onions, demi tasse, wine an’ cigars, will y'? Keeper—" Wot yew sayin’? Dew yew think I 'm a hutel pr'prietor ?"" Convict—"" Well, not exactly. But you 're an ‘in-keeper,” ain't y'? The Cynic’s Examination Papers for Everybody. ‘By R W. SNEDDON . . ‘THE WAITRESS. EXPLAIN with full details the psychology of the black or white dress you wear, and point out how the air of primitive Puritan- ism seems to affect the average young man, 2. Calculate to four places of decimals the number of steps you take and the average total mileage covered in your daily toil, letting x be the size of the shoe you wear. 3. Give an estimate of the deduction your annual income suffers in respect of repairs to old shoes and the purchase of new ones, 4. Give an account in not less than ten folio of the varied incidents of a day of ten hours, taking care to note the number of times you say, ‘What do you think I am? Can't you wait a minute?” 5, Give short character sketches of any ten of your regular customers, who need not neces- sarily be young men of presumably marriage- able qualities. 6. Draw up the outline of an ideal breakfast menu, omitting oranges, hay flakes, poached eggs, and coffee. Also a lunch menu, omitting pag A QUERY—WHERE WILL THE SEAT FINALLY END UP? DGE the items of a hot beef sandwich, side of toast, plate Boston, and coffee. Also for a dinner menu, without referring to small French fried, apple pie, and coffee. (On account of the almost superhuman difficulty of answering this question, thirty extra marks will be given.) 7. Give a definite list of the jewels which you have purchased with the nickels donated to you by customers who are ashamed to leave without doing 80, in anticipation of trouble on their next call. Explain the attitude of your employers toward this breach of the by-laws. 8. How would you deal tactfully with an old Iady who wished to have lobster and champagne, and was annoyed beyond all measure to find that you could only supply soft-shell crabs and ginger ale? 9. State specifically the number of times in one day that you have to remark on the weather, the color of your hair and eyes, and the other girl. 10. In what appropriate terms would you throw down a prop- osition to go to a moving-picture show advanced by the man in a check suit, who breakfasts daily on a roll and coffee? Give at least three plausible reasons for accepting the invitation of a retired prize-fighter to accompany him to the Mike Milligan ball. 11. Frame a suitable reply to the insinuation of the lady who takes half an hour to choose a hard-boiled egg and a cupof tea, weak, that you are not worthy of admission to the highly reputable circle of her acquaintance, since you occasionally have to go home at midnight unaccompanied. Point out in carefully selected sen- tences that the possession of a set of sham sables does not neces- sarily imply that everything else about you is sham. OBLIGING BOY. Inquisitive old gentleman—" What 's happened, boy Boy—* Run along and I'l! tell you all about it."* 12, What is, in your opinion, the correct attitude to be adopted toward the cashier and the cook? Who or what do you think is the lady superintendent? 13. As a proof of your knowledge of the practical side of your profession, demonstrate the following: (a) That wheat cakes may be burned to a cinder and yet be edible. (6) That an egg may be valuable as an antique. (c) That a cow may be soured, yet lovable. (d) That coffee may be, though it isn’t. (e) That an apple may be improved by the society of a worm. (f) That a fly in the milk is not so thirsty as it looks. If you can think of any omissions, kindly set them down with aclatter. 14. Need you necessarily pay any attention to a hungry custom- er, so long as you are engaged in an interesting conversation with your best friend on the subject of Preraphaelite Ibsenism? 15. What is your idea of a recherché coiffure to match your Sun- day hat? Frame a description of the hat, limiting your answer to five thousand words. 16. Write a truthful description of the one and only occasion you were an actorina, and explain the reasons which prompted your farewell to the stage, beyond the fact that the manager advised you to sandpaper your voice. 17. Write a humorous quatrain, using the terminals: ——childs —--queens,