Judge, 1909-12-25 · page 6 of 17
Judge — December 25, 1909 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* (a major American satirical weekly) collects short humor pieces mocking courtship, marriage, and social conventions of the early 1900s. The **"Lovers' Lexicon"** cynically redefines romantic terms: "Proposal" is women's ambition; "Kiss" is male conquest; "Matrimony" is life's disappointment. This reflects period skepticism about marriage as an institution. **"Christmas Don'ts"** offers mock advice about gift-giving—satirizing both materialism and social hypocrisy (don't give useful gifts; do give foolish ones). The short jokes ridicule gender dynamics: wives denying husbands "free speech," women obsessing over Christmas gifts' price tags, suitors gaming the mistletoe convention. **"A Christmas Reveille"** (bottom illustrations) appears to show Santa's arrival, though the captions are partially illegible. Overall, the page satirizes early-20th-century courtship rituals, consumerism, marital discord, and gender relations through brief, cynical quips—typical of *Judge*'s sophisticated urban audience.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LOVERS’ LEXICON. ROPOSAL—The height of a wom- Kiss—A man's mark of con- quest, a woman's asset ina breach of promise suit. Matrimony—The mirage on the des- ert of life. Theater--A place where money is spent, until the preacher is paid the final fee, Nothing—What a young man saves is courting, bait Wedding Invitation— A polite request for anything that will aid in the establishment of a household. VANCE ©. ERIS CHRISTMAS DON'TS. ON'T give instructive books to the schoolboy; he knows too Don’t give candy to your bilious friends; you may want to borrow money from them. Don’t give Billikens to children; unless they are half-witted, they will find out that you are, Don’t give a dust cap to the woman who puts her hair in the bureau drawer when she goes to sweep. Don’t give useful things. Have sense enough to be foolish once a year. SEASONABLE TIP. JF WITH two lovers you should go Out skating, this much you should know: Don’t foolishly agree to wait For them while he puts on her skate. : “JUST A LINE WOMAN'S CURIOSITY. 16 SAY. 1 Ella—** Were your Christmas yifts satisfactory ?"" Y AM busy." Stella-—* One was; the giver had forgotten to take off the price tag." HOW UNKIND! Ella—* Fred is getting near-sighted.”” tella—* It doesn't follow that th is anything the matter with his eyes because he can’t see you under the mistletoe.”” Ar way. ri We PMAS REVEILLE. “Ah! methinks I hears the gentle footsteps of dear old Santa ane wane night 3 ore off the CL OUTDOOR EFFECTS “My! but you look loaded, all right.” “Tdor It must be the raw air.” UNCONSTITUTIONAL. — 66 BENDER says his wife is a flagrant violator of the Constitution.’ * How so?” “ He says she is continually depriving him of the right of free speech and the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. FATAL CURIOSITY. 66 AM I THE only woman you have ever loved?” “Yes; the rest were all girls.” A PURIST. Visitor— Isn't either of your parents home, Martha?” Martha—* No, ma'am, Ma has gone for an hour's sitting at the photographer's, and pa has gon for an afternoon's straddle on his horse."* LYNCHING ETIQUETTE. “You're not lynching that man er we don’t refer to it in that unrefined " 1 it showin’ *im the rop electric sparks, ete. “The old man’s yentleness is on the 1 [have been mistaken in thinking this O*Hoolahan’: an?