Judge, 1908-07-04 · page 6 of 16
Judge — July 4, 1908 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes suburban Fourth of July celebrations among the wealthy. The main piece mocks upper-class holiday excess: a man brags about firing household staff (cook, waitress, laundress, chauffeur, coachman) throughout the day under the guise of patriotic "celebration," culminating in burglars stealing silver. The joke is that suburban patriotism masks domestic chaos and servant mistreatment. The "Rhapsody" appears to reference William Howard Taft (Secretary of War) and political figures like James Fairbanks and Charles Evans Hughes. "For a Noiseless Fourth" is humorous verse proposing a paradoxical silent celebration—suggesting complaints about Fourth of July noise pollution. Minor jokes address political conventions and fear of rabies ("hydrophobia"). The page uses caricature and irony to critique nouveau-riche suburban pretension dressed up as patriotism.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
OF JULY IN THE SUBURBS. 6 ELL, old man, did you have a Fourth of July celebration out at WW vevctivi “Yes; we had a great day of it.”” “ What did you do? “ Well, the cook read the Declaration of Independence in the morning.” “ My wife blew up the waitress at breakfast.”” “Bully!” “The waitress went up in the air after breakfa “ Immensi * We fired the laundress at noon,’* reat!’’ “<The chauffeur got loaded and went off with a loud report after lunch.” ** Glorious !"" The coachman got full and treated us to a barn-fire in the evening. I'm trying to collect the insurance now.” “ Splendid !"” “But that wasn’t all, Two bumbs loaded with high-balls broke into the house that night and got away with all the silver. Ob, yes, old man! There’s nothing slow about Loneliville when it comes down to patriotism." JOUN KENDRICK BANGS. RHAPSODY. 66] FEAR,” said Bill Taft, Secretary of War, “Hard Knox and the boom of the Cannon no more, T have left far behind The Fairbanks of Ind. And the bright Hughes I saw by the shore.’ A PREVENTATIVE. Pat—" What was that Chicago convention I hear so much about?” ; - LITERA Dun —* Well, it was something to prevent six Presidents com- ‘The « aiitiaal wiih a te ing in when only one goes out. and a tale. FOR A NOISELESS FOURTH. ALUTE with a boomless ean- non; Discharge a reportless un; of & snapperless cracker, Then dodge it with shrickless fun. Prepare us a speechless banquet, And a beerless picnic mak oF US a sereaMless « banner sha Breathe low on a tootless fish- horn; Stroke softly the bangless drum “ Hurrah!"" in a voiceless: whis- pers Let the tongueless bell keep dumb, all in a manner minus, t negative moods have place -playing bandsme ta moveless pace, But vainly the sons of silence * nation liless, boneless boys! PRECAUTIOUS. De Style—** Does he !hydrophobia * Gunbusta—* Youbet! Why, he won't even eat a Coney Island iliniées ise t's th’ illigant joke ut'll be on. comicbooks.com