Judge, 1908-07-04 · page 5 of 16
Judge — July 4, 1908 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous anecdotes and illustrations rather than political commentary. **"The Doctor Who Tried to Succeed Without Whiskers"** (top) satirizes a doctor's failed attempt at professional credibility—suggesting facial hair was considered essential to medical authority at the time. **"Divided Affection"** mocks a man's attempt to convince his wife that loving multiple people (including "pet poodles") is acceptable—clearly absurd domestic humor. **"A Proposal and Acceptance"** presents a romantic exchange where a young man proposes via telephone to a woman named Dinah, playing on the novelty of telephone courtship. **"Johnny's Fourth"** tells of a child's destructive Fourth of July celebration. **"Comparisons Are Dangerous"** and other sections contain brief joke verses on romance and domestic life. Peter Newell's **"Moths"** illustration shows whimsical insect characters. These are entertainment pieces rather than political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
OA.W.0.noPe 1103 OR. WO HOPE viovay Tam.v 12 PM, consucration FREE THE DOCTOR WHO TRIED TO SUCCEED WITHOUT WHISKERS. Long, weary years of beardless hope. But, like many another well-meaning man, he had to come to it. DIVIDED AFFECTION. A PROPOSAL AND ACCEPTANCE. EEP looking young, don’t you, A YOUNG colored man asked permission of his employer to use the telephone, as he wished to speak to a colored girl employed at another residence. Upon receiving consent, he explained, “You see, it’s dis way. I loves dat gal an’ wants to ask her to single woman Ican say loves marry me, but, ‘fore de Lord! I ain't got de grit to ask her ‘ word me, while you have a beauti- out of mouth’; an’ so I wants to use de ‘phone. I'll jest call her up. ful wife all to yourself—one “Hello! Is dat Dinah?” who concentrates all her love “No. Will call her."” and affection on you!"? “Hello! Dat you, Dinah?” “Hold on, old fellow! 1 “ Ye-as."” know I’m married to a woman inah, you knows I thinks a heep of you,"? with beauty and full of love “Ye and affection; but you want to remember she has two pet poodles ‘An’ I bin tryin’ to make you think a heep of me.’* besides me. “ Ye-as,”” “1 more den thinks a heep of you. I loves you, Dinah.”* MONEY WASTED. Yeon Young Fitznoodle (with a yawn)—‘t Ya-as, weally, it costs me “Now, Dinah—I—er—wants to ask you if you will marry me?” five thousand a year just to live, don’t y'know. “ Ye-as, indeedy! Who is dis what's talkin’ to me?” ‘armer Hardpan —‘ Don't ye pay it! "Tain’t wuth it.”” JOHNNY'S FOURTH. OHNNY blew his eyebrows off. “I don't care,” said he. “Tecan make another pair With a cork, you see." old man? It must be fine to be married, like you are. Here Iam, an old bach, with not a When his fingers went he said, “Who cares, anyhow? I won't have to practice on The piano now.” When his legs departed he Still remained quite cool. ** Good!" he chortled, ‘* Now I sha'n't Have to walk to school."” So it went. By slow degrees Johnny blew away, Celebrating with much zest Independence Day ; And when night came on the scene Johnny cried with glee, «* Now there's nothing left, pa won't Have to bury me!”’ HORACE DoDD GastrT. COMPARISONS ARE DANGEROUS. 66 A MAN told me this morning I looked the image of you.”” “Where is the fool? I'll thrash the life out of him!" “Too late. I killed him!” THE MAID O' MIGHTY METAPHORS. HE earned herself a set o' furs, Peter Newell Inditing simile By writing mighty metaphors, She earned herself a set o’ furs. The more the people get of hers, The more it seems to please, And now they keep a set of hers In all the libraries. MAMILTON P. GALT, MOTHS. comicbooks.com