Judge — December 14, 1907 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SPEEDIAC. BIPEED, speed, speed! What of the things that we read, Telling of woe and of death and disaster? Turn on the power! Ho! faster and faster! Over the highways, down through the lane— Little care we for huge wagons of grain. Let us have at "em, grind ‘em to powder! Honk with your horn, there, louder and louder! Speed! Let us have speed! Ha, for the road with the twist and the curve! ‘That was a beauty—that was a swerve! Straining the axles and straining the wheels, Grinding the car till each bolt in it squeals— Squeals like a creature that’s griping in pain! Here is another! Have at it again! Speed! Let brakes be freed! ‘Throw ‘em away, for they only impede. What is that scream in the distance we hear? Is it in front or far back at the rear? Some one is down, but we are away, Pounding to dust all the broad highway, Monarchs of all to the uttermost scene Here in our thunderbred lightning machine! Speed! Give us more speed? We have no care for the shapeless that bleed. On like the Course of the blustering wind, Careless uf what lies before or behind! Breath of my nostrils, life to my soul, Gliding and sliding past any control! OVER THE CLIFFS! Ha! downward we fy— Iron scrap, human scrap, we by and by. Crashings ahead and black ruin behind, One moment longer and—— Ab, never mind! We've done our work and won by a breath ‘The record in speeding the Highway to Death! JOHN KENDRICK BANGS. HE CHANGED HIS MIND. THE customer looked like a man who had just had four aces beaten by a straight flush. * Doc,” he said hoarsely, “do you keep poison ?” « Yes, sir,” promptly replied the druggi We have one of the most complete stocks of poison in the city.” . “Twant to die like a dog, doc,” he went on, “What would you advise me to take?” “Well, it’s all a matter of taste, you know. Do you wish to leave this wicked world quickly and without much pain 2” . “No, sir!" he exclaimed fiercely. “I want to ONE OR THE OTHER. Sue—" How do you like your part in the new play?” He—"‘Not for accent. {die in the first act."" die in the greatest agony. I'll show her what it Sne—"* Well, | suppose it had to be you or the audience?” means to throw me down.” «Ah, I see,” said the druggist. + A case of unrequited love.” got a good pair of lungs in me, and when the stuff begins to work it “That's about the size of it, doc, and I want revenge. My plan will make her hair stand up to hear me take on, Can you fix me up, is to fill up on poison and then go over on her front steps to die. I've do‘you think 2” «I've just the thing for your case, It’s a powerful drug and pleas- ant to take, but ten minutes later you will begin to suffer the tortures of the damned.” “That's what I want, doc.” “ You teeth will fall out one by one.” “Th-they will 2” “Your tongue will turn black and swell so that it will slowly choke you to death.” « Wewill it 2” “Your bones will crumble and crack until your screams of agony can be heard a mile.” “H-haven't you something else, doc, not quite so strong ?” “No; in this case there is nothing just as good. Your groans toward the end will be terrible to hear. You will foam at the mouth, your heart “Say, doc,” he broke in with a sickly smile, «1 think a soda-water will be about what I want.” “ What flavor 2” asked the druggist, keeping a straight face only by the greatest effort. “Vanilla,” was the meek reply. AS OTHERS SEE US. And after one sip of the foaming beverage he hurried Born airs (simultaneously)—* Oh, look, mamma! Ain't that funny ?"” out of the store. As B. LEWIS, comicbooks.com