Judge — October 19, 1907 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SOAP-BUBBLES. Cynthia grows reminiscent and reviews her proposals of the summer vacation. THE DINERS. THE gambler should dine on steaks. The policeman on beets. The actor on ham—and duckeggs. The woodsman on chops. The critic on roasts. The jeweler on carrots. The electrician on currants. The wife on tongue. The husband on pocket-book rolls. Sweethearts should dine on ven- _ ison, because they are deer to each a soother. IN POLITICAL VAUDEVILLE. rrying a large and elegant boom, with * "He das Enter the only and original Fat Boy, Willie Taf frien nces a lively clog-dance for the inscription on it," From your loving friend, T. Ri" He few moments, and then pauses and looks wisely at jience. MONOLOGUE. Say! I was riding in a Panama Canal boat one day, an' there was a lady standing up in front of me, an’ her name was Miss Trust, an’ me fren’ Teddy was standing up next to her. An’ he says to me, “Eh, Willie, git up an’ give the loidy a seat.” An'I winks at him with the other eye, an’ I says, “After you, Teddy.” Will Professor Binks strike the piano a few while I trill? soo. I went inside the White House, an’ I seen a Teddy Bear. His coat was growin’ shabby an’ his legs was goin’ bare. He says to me, ‘Be seated ; here's a throne that’s al- most new.” I winks the other eye at him an’ whispers, “After you.”” I went into a railroad car. I seen some friends of mine, ‘Ted Harriman an’ others, a-lootin’ of that line. An’ they said to me, “Come join us, Little Willie, tried an’ true.” But I watched them count the spoils out, an’ I simpered, “After you.” I strolled into the treasury one lovely day in May. I saw some magnates in there, an’ each one was makin’ hay. ‘An’ when’ they'd cleaned the place all out they said, « Say, Bill, we're through.” Said I polite, “Don't hurry, gents; with me it's after aa I walked into the custom-house to see what I could see, An’ there old*Mother Tariff sat, as large as she could be. She got up when she saw me, an’ her face got mighty ue 5 But oh, how much relieved she was when I said, “After you!” (Entire change of programme next week.) ‘Tout Masson. WISE GRACIE. RACE, aged four, had been naughty, and her mother said, «I'll spank you, Gracie.” Gracie—" No, you won't. Il sit down.” HONORS EVEN, OHNSON waited patiently until Thompson had finished his fish- story; then he said, “I want to tell you something that happened to me right up in that wild district where you say you landed a string of a thousand in half aday. You know Beverly and I went up there two summers ago in an automobile ?” “Yes, I remember.” “Well, sir, we lost our way, and for five days and nights we couldn't sight a farm-house or a human being.” “ Have any food with you?” asked Thompson. “ Not even a sandwich.” “What did you live on?” “ Soup—soup morning, noon and night." ‘ “Soup? But what did you have to make soup of 2" “Why,” said Johnson, without even the suspicion of a smile, " the first day we got lost the auto struck a stone and turned turtle, Ss NOW, Archie,” said the teacher, “what have you made up your mind to do best for yourself this year ?” Archie (pointing over his shoulder at an adversary)—" I's made up me mind ter lick dat feller ev'ry time he t'rows spitballs at me, ma‘am.” A MOLLYCODDLE. “What {s your opinion, Mr. Henpeck?”” “Ask my wife.” comicbooks.com