Judge — October 12, 1907 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DOMESTIC STORMS. ° RATE as mate of a troublesome craft | (My nominal rank 's commander). I think her daft, both fore and aft, When certain storms would land her. T hate to state, as this craft's good mate, That the family is aboard. He's bright, all right, our midshipmite, And when it blows—oh, Lord! Says he to me, when ‘all at sea”? Ina China hurricane, “Why don’t you bend a spanker, pop? She's broke my head again. “Oh, take her out of stays," he prays, “We're on our beam-ends now ! Oh, cut away her rigging, dad, And reef that throat-rope—wow !" T rate as mate of a troublesome craft (My nominal rank 's commander). Knocked fore and aft, I, too, am daft When I get a bad back-hander. WALTER BEVERLEY CRANE, THE PRISONER WAS FINED. HE was a New York Irish girt in court as the prosecuting witness against a prisoner arrested for disorderly conduct, and the court was getting at the true state of the case by asking the usual number of entirely relevant questions. “What did the prisoner do 2” he inquired, after the preliminaries had been settled. “He coom alahng by th’ area pwhere Oi wor shtandin’ an‘ begin to address remar-rks to me,” replied the witness. «What did he say ?” “He said * Good-avenin’.’” «There was nothing very bad in that, was there ?” «But, sor, there wor no inthroduction pravious.” “Oh, yes; I forgot that.” “So did he, sor.” « Did you speak to him when he spoke to you?” “Yis, sor. Oi towld him to gwahn about his business.” “ Did he do so?” “No, sor. He shtood there tockin’ to me.” « Did you talk to him?” “No, sor; not wid po- liteness, sor.” “What then? “ He shtood over closer, sor, an’ takin’ me chin in his hand, wid his t'umb in wan cheek an’ his fingers in th’ other, he held me face up, sor, an’ thried to kiss me.” “Oh, he did 2” **Yis, sor; he did.” “And what did you do then ?” “Oi jerked me hid away, sor, an’ towld him Oi wud hov him arristed fer personathin’ a polaceman, sor." P “Ten dollars and costs!" interrupted the judge, while everybody laughed except the witness and the policeman, Alas! a spanker can't be bent, As he the spankee knows. Both he and I can't clew her down Short-handed when it blows. did he do A WORD TO THE WISE, ETC. LEARN from the busy bee, but never take a pointer from him. “Oh, dear! WOMAN'S CURIOSITY. “That Mr. Huggard is a regular bear. You must introduce m LEGAL ADVICE VS. MEDICAL. First macnate—"' My doctor advised me to take a trip abroad for my health, but I’m not going.”” Seconp macuate-—"" My lawyer gave me the same advice, and | am going.” WHEN THE REV. JENKINS STRUCK. SPEAKING of a strike of ministers, there are many Welshmen in this country who remember the Rev. Jenkin Jenkins, and will re- call some amusing stories concerning him. Perhaps the following is not the least entertaining: The Rev. Jenkins was an eccentric charac- ter, rather admired for his bluntness. His congregation was selfish and very close—so much so that he was often forced to depend upon charity for his actual needs. He stood it as long as he could, until one Sunday he announced that he would preach on the following Sab- bath the most startling ser- mon ever heard in that lo- cality. He urged those present to bring their friends, as they would hear something that would be a revelation to them. Sunday came. The lit- tle church was filled to over- flowing. Perhaps there had never been such a concourse of people in the little Meth- odist chapel, Many came from adjoining towns and hamlets. Many. strangers stood in the aisle, and some were compelled to perch upon the window-sills. The Rev. Jenkins an- nounced to his hearers that the sermon would be brief. He said that his salary as pastor was insufficient to keep him decently, and it was with difficulty that the congregation could be in- duced to pay him even the salary stipulated. So, now," he said, «I am going to do what the devil will never do for you—I am go- ing to leave you.” Saying which, he descended sol- emnly from the pulpit. This constituted his only formal leave-taking. Loraine—‘Is it true that you are engaged to Fred?” Clarice— No; Thave not given him a definite an- swer yet. I want to wait and see how he looks after the football season is over.” comicbooks.com