Judge — October 12, 1907 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHAT WE'RE COMING To. HEN William Taft is President, heigho! in 1909, jow styles will change! No one of us will then train down too fine. Horse-jockeys will begin to stuff, and ere they go their rounds Each one will have to tip the scale at full two hundred pounds. ‘May Irwin will not bave to bant in one continuous Lent, But she can waddle out and sing when Taft is President. Thin men of every shape and size will hide themselves away. All hollow cheeks will be tabooed, all diets will be passé ; All hatchet faces will be mobbed. Each girl we love must be So fat she'll quiver in our arms in rotund ecstasy. Round-bellied aeronauts must steer batloons they represent, All cooks must sleep in double beds, when Taft is President. The corporations will not be confined to just a few, But all the common people will have corporations, too. No one will dare to worry, though in debt we'll gayly smile ; We might lose flesh by worry, and we wouldn't be in style. And though hard times are coming, and we're broke, we'll still present Our joyful curves to all the world when Taft is President. rom asson. NO PART FOR HIM. ‘THE stage-manager had finished a long rehearsal and was pretty well done up as he stepped outside the theatre for a few mo- ments to get a breath of fresh air and smoke a cigar. Just as he lighted his weed a seedy-looking chap, with a very red nose and a face that hadn't been shaved in two weeks, approached him, hat in hand, and said, “Sir, I trust I'm not too late to take a leading part in that new play you are about to produce ?” “You are, unless you wish to play the part of a door-mat,” was the sarcastic reply. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MISS BILLIE BURKE IN ‘THE BELLE OF MAYPAIR."* Your native charm and nimble art Just fit you for a playful part Which makes us gladly shekels pay To see the player and the play. ir, | guess you do not know me!" said the indignant barn-stormer as he struck an attitude. ++ No, thank heaven, I dé not!" said the manager fervently. «* Are you aware, sir, that I am capable of taking any "—— “Yes; you'd take anything you could lay your hands on if no one was looking. Go away before I call the dog.” ++ One moment, sir. Let me play the" “LT wouldn’t let you play marbles in a show of mine,” again interrupted the stage-manager. The man with the red nose and unshaved face looked the picture of injured inno- cence as he drew himself to his full height and started off. Suddenly he paused, however, and returned to humbly say, “Sir, you've called me right. I'm a bum actor out of a job, and I want a trial of any kind, Say, I hear there’s a camel in this new play.” “There is.” “Well, say, let me be the hind legs of the camel,, will you 2” The stage-manager looked him over for a moment or two in silence. Then he HER PRIDE HURT. Mrs. Percerrowoe—"' Well, | never was so mortified in my life! Those horrid, sriteful Hascoynes have been assessed three million more than we have."* = THoRMBURGN = A SNICKER OF FORTUNE. “Did Dame Fortune ever smile on you, Bill?” Naw) She just looked at me and snickered.”” put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a dime, and as he tossed the fellow the coin he sai **No; you couldn't even play the part of the camel's hump. Now, get!” Awtrms, THE WATER'S CURLS. Q)NE mom Jane watched the curly sea In all its madcap capers ; Then asked, ‘Say, ma, at night who puts The waves up in curl-papers?” WHEN HE BROKE HIS RULE. 46] NEVER turn my back to danger,” said the young man who was endeavoring to impress the girl with a sense of his fearlessness. A moment later her father kicked him down the front steps. “ George “George !" «What ?" he cried, seeing that the old gentleman had gone back into the house. + How about never turning your back to danger ?” she asked. ut But the wind moaning through the trees in the front yard brought the only answer she received. she called after him as he ran; NOT ALWAYS. Mrs. Gunbusta—* Wilfred, you must never say ‘can’t, but always say ‘cannot. Wilfred—* Then, if I want a muskmelon, must * ask for a ‘cannoteloupe' ?” comicbooks.com