Judge, 1907-08-31 · page 3 of 16
Judge — August 31, 1907 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains four separate satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine humor: 1. **"No Help Necessary"** (top): A cartoon about seasickness, joking that a captain needn't advise a seasick husband—he'll manage fine without help. 2. **"The Fable of the Rich Young Girl"** (left): A morality tale about a wealthy young woman who marries a poor but handsome man. After he squanders her money and becomes abusive, she divorces him, then returns asking his advice. The moral: she didn't follow the "wise man's" initial counsel to "begin on the wrong end first." 3. **"A Real-Estate Enthusiast"** (right): A magazine editor recounts losing a newspaper subscriber after publishing a real-estate notice about a man named Grady—who died and was buried there. 4. **"Cause and Effect"** and **"It Always Breaks Down"** (bottom): Brief joke exchanges about practical matters. The humor reflects genteel, domestic-focused comedy typical of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
NO HELP NECESSARY. ‘Tue Lapy—" My husband is particularly liable to seasickness, captain. . f Tue cartain—*"Tain't necessary, mum, He'll do it." ‘THE FABLE OF THE RICH YOUNG GIRL. NCE there was a young girl with barrels of money. And not knowing what to do with it, she consulted a wise man, He lived all alone ina tent he had built for the purpose, leading a sim- ple life. When the young girl’s case was presented to him he said, There are three things that you can do: First, you can be an old maid and devote yourself to charity. Second, marry a nobleman. Third, marry the man of your heart. So the young girl went away and pondered, and while she was pondering a nice young fellow came along. He was poor but handsome, with broad shoulders and so forth, and she fell in love with him and married him. But after they had been married a little while he grew suddenly extravagant, and would probably have squandered all her money had he not been killed by dissipation. Then the young girl married a nobleman, And after they had been living together for several years he, as is the nature of all true noblemen, began to abuse her. At last, not being able to stand it any longer, she secured a permanent divorce. Then she went back to the wise man. ‘Oh, wise man!" she said, ‘your advice has been very disastrous. What have you to say for yourself?” «It was your fault," said the wise man, ‘+ because you didn’t fol- low it.” + What do you mean? Then the wise man laughed heartily. ‘Don't you see,” he replied, “now that it is too late, that you began on the wrong end first 2” Tom MASsOn. CAUSE AND EFFECT. * Willie, why don’t you keep your hair combed 2” «Cause I ain't got no comb.” * Why don’t you ask your mamma to buy you one?” ‘Cause then I'd have ter keep my hair combed.” Could you tell him what to do in case of an attack?" A REAL-ESTATE ENTHUSIAST. 66 Q)NCE in my early career," said a well-known New York maga- zine editor, ‘+1 owned and edited a more or less thrifty weekly newspaper. One of my features was country correspondence, and I prided myself on the accuracy of my rural aids. In one issue, from the best point on my list, I received a notice reading as follows : «Mr. John Grady, having purchased a plot of ground in Machpelah some months ago, has now gone into real estate body and soul. John was always an enthusiast. “The item looked all right to me, and sounded quite enterprising, I thought; but a day or two after the paper had got round among the subscribers I received a letter of ‘indignity,’ which almost took my breath away, In it I was duly informed that Mr. Grady was dead and buried in the Machpelah cemetery, where he had purchased a plot some three months _ previ- ously. In con- clusion, I. may say that my cor- respondent at that point has since risen to prominence as a humorist, and I suppose most of you have read his stuff in various publica- tions. But that item was not very funny for him, or for me, because he had to get another job far away, and I lost a dozen good subscribers.” IT ALWAYS BREAKS DOWN. “1 think some long walks would do me a lot of THE average chauffeur certainly takes life easily. “+All right. I'll take you out in my automobile a few times.” comicbooks.com