Judge — August 17, 1907 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES. VIRGINIA SARGENT, SINGING ON THE KEITH-PROCTOR CIRCUIT. Oh, yes: we love the old songs— We like the new songs, too. But don't you know most any song, When sung by you, is new. THE BURGLAR’S VACATION. THE burglar decided that he It was ss was never bet- needed a vacation. true that busi: ter, and that there was a long list of easy jobs on hand; but, as he said to his wife, ++ All the wise guys say a rest in the country in the summer does aman a world of good. He works better when he comes back, and lives longer for the change.” The burglar’s wife agreed with him, and five minutes later he sat down and wrote to Mossy- bank House for rates. He re- ceived the following reply a few days later : “Dere Sir—I take my pen in hand to informe you that we kin put you and your family up for Auggust. We hav eight kows, fortie chickins, seventeen pigs, four dogs, and six cats, so you kin see we hav plentie of fresh milk and meat on the farm. You give the names of Theodore Roosevelt, Grover Cleve- land and John Smith for refference. I never heard tell of Roosevelt or Cleveland, but anyone named John Smith must be honest, so his reffer- ence is all righte.”” About six weeks later the burglar re- turned to the city looking a new man. He declared he never felt better in his life, but in telling of {his vacation a look of pain came in his eyes as he said, “Up to the last week we just took solid comfort and laid on the fat. Then we got a bump that sickened us of country life.” ++ What happened 2?” he was asked. ++ Why,” he said fiercely, ‘+ some mean, low-down, white-livered scoundrel of a thief got into my room and stole $200 and the old lady's diamonds Amtews, LIBERALITY, [TLE Jimmie, who had just received a box of mixed candy, passed it around to treat the family, saying, “Help yourself to all the chocolates you want. I don’t like them,” oe MORE NATURE FAKES. H, SIRE! I heard a rooster crow— "Twas ‘Cock-a-doodle doo.’ ” I'm very sure that was a lie— The story can't be true.” Oh, sire! I heard a pussy-ca ‘The creature said * Meow. You do not know the heart of things— I know that isn’t how.” Oh, sire! I heard a brindle cow— The critter hollered Moo.’ * That cannot be—impossible! You are a liar, too.” Oh, sire! T heard a yellow dog Remarking ‘ Bow-wow-wow.’ * I've slain my thousands, and you lie— Ttell you so right no Me LAND) QUICK WoRK. Hewitt—This is an age of hus- RCH WILSON. tle.” yest trac cles, Am Jewett—"You bet! I met a fellow erday who had already made a con- t to write a series of magazine arti- . giving the history of the Japanese- erican war.” WHAT IMPUDENCE! waermy A WINNER. ‘There was once a clever giraffe, Who at ra icing gave others the laugh. At the wire, ‘tis said, He ju Ist stuck out his head And won by three feet and a half. Miss Cuic—“* You impudent thing!, The idea of addressing me be- ¢ q dl é cause we were raised in the same incubator! ao\ \t ~t \*A oui TN en Us 0 iNet | RAISING CHICKENS. Uncre Cr (as the brooder-lamp explodes) ye kin raise chicks with one o' them machi LENDING INTEREST TO THE SHOW. “SAY,” said Tommie, the chief manager of the fifteen-pin show, ‘I'm goin’ ter raise de ad- mittance ter thirty pins fer dis evenin's performance,” “Wot fer?" asked his as- sistant. ++ Cause my sister wot eloped wid de hackman an’ had her name in all de papers ‘s consented ter be present.” WHAT MONEY DOES, WHEN a skinny girl happens to have a rich father, says the Medical Summary, she is spoken of in society reports as be- ing lithesome. HE who boasts that he is his . own master is often anoth- er's slave. * There ain't no disputin’ thet you hev demonstrated thet comicbooks.com